It has been a really strange few weeks and I apologise for not having blogged in a while. After several months of declining health and then breaking her hip in
August my dear mum Pam passed away on 17th September.

I have been going to see her mostly every day for as long as I can remember so it has been heartbreaking for me to witness the roller coast of recurrent infections, pneumonia, confusion and then a fall. To be absolutely honest I can say that it is something of a relief that she is finally at peace. Although she had been in hospital many times lately she was able to finally slip away in her lovely care home. My husband and the carers were with her, I was actually having a rest after being with her for most of the day and the previous evening. Apparently it sometimes happens like that, the loved one waits for their closest family member to be absent before they are able to let go.

Since this time I have felt so many different emotions, sadness that mum has finally gone, relief that she is not suffering and she is reunited with dad and also the most overwhelming tiredness. I have been the nearest child to mum and dad and so the last few years have been quite stressful, being responsible for them in their declining years.

Dad suffered with dementia and he passed away two years ago, but I am really happy that, before he died, I managed to find a wonderful care home which could accommodate both mum and dad. It was a big adjustment for them but my brother and I knew they could no longer manage at home, my mum having health issues of her own. They were able to spend dad’s last few months together.

There are times now when it catches me that both mum and dad have gone and it feels so odd. I have no particular religious beliefs but I do like to think that they are still with me in some sense.

My wonderful Mr Chalk has been such a support to me in all of this and something he did for me truly helped me to feel calm. He downloaded (I don’t even know if that’s the term any more) loads of different songs that he knew I would love on my phone so I have been listening to them in the car in all the journeys I have been doing. I have to listen to them as my car radio has broken but that’s fine by me. It’s like the modern day version of a mix tape and it’s the most romantic thing in the world.

Grief is a funny thing. You just have to go with it, but accept the love of others and above all, be gentle on yourself.

Wendy xx