Whilst on holiday recently I enjoyed a very funny, but at times quite disturbing book called ‘The Psychopath Test’ by Jon Ronson. Ronson has a very quirky, disarming style, a little bit Louis-Theroux-ish, but with a sharp edge.

In the book Ronson narrates his journey through the madness industry, finding how mental illness is literally catalogued into hundreds of different ‘disorders’ by the American Psychiatry Association. Past disorders have included homosexuality, but thankfully the textbook is revised every few years.

Every illness has a list of characteristics, and the psychopath has a 20 point checklist, which includes – among others – superficial charm, pathological lying, lack of remorse/guilt, shallow, lack of realistic long-term goals, failure to accept responsibility for own actions and grandiose sense of self-worth.

The psychopath can be extremely cunning how he can manipulate others and take them in, and he can use his wiles to climb to the top of his profession. There are many top-ranking business people who display psychopathic traits.

Politics too is another area where psychopathic tendencies can be seen. God forbid we should ever have a psychopath running the country….

Wendy.

I was interested to read that the US President is fond of spending time on his own in the small hours, away from all of his White House staff, not doing anything in particular but just perhaps having a bit of thinking time.

An article penned by Times male writers sympathised with Obama, saying that men need time away from all this work/family commitments, and sometimes that time of quiet when the family are all sleeping can be simply delicious. I think one of them called it ‘shed’ time.

I would argue that this is not just a ‘man’ thing, women need some time away too. Whilst we are social animals, being on one’s own can be an enriching thing, allowing your mind to just rest, away from life’s constant barrage of ‘stuff’. You don’t have to think of it as meditation, it doesn’t need to be as formal as that. You do nothing, or make a cup of tea, or whatever you want.

I am lucky enough to have a beautiful space in my garden which I use as my practice room. I have no electronic gadgets in there, it’s quite sparse really, but is a wonderful little retreat for my clients when they come for treatment. It’s also my own shed for those times when I need to escape.

warmest wishes,

wendy xx

Many of the clients that I see have such full-on lives, with young families, jobs and various responsibilities to juggle. Often, a frequent comment is ‘I never have a minute to myself’ and this has inevitably lead to extreme tiredness and exhaustion, as well as negative behaviours such as overeating, drinking too much, smoking etc.

Therefore, when I work with a client I am always very keen to find ways that they can claim back just a little bit of time for themselves and making sure that this is practical and viable for them. The hypnotherapy itself is great at calming the mind, and allowing light to fall on certain aspects of their lives, so that a new and better way can be found.

In addition I also record a personalised calming download, just about 10 minutes long, giving the client chance to switch off for a little bit each day.

We all need some peace sometimes.

Wendy x

Well, what a chaotic few days we have had! Everyone seems slightly shell shocked in the wake of the referendum result. However you voted  (and within the Chalk household there was not consensus) there seems to be a slight ‘oh sxxx, what have we just done!!’ feel in the air.

Many are saying that there should never have been a referendum, some are calling for a second one, the major political parties seem to be in melt-down and the rest of Europe is behaving like a very bitter dumped girlfriend, out for revenge.

My personal feeling is that much of this panic is media-fuelled and that once the dust has settled we will all continue with getting on with our lives, there will be changes of course but these will take weeks, months and decades to unfold.

Change is a frightening thing, and many of the clients I see have difficulty with it. Sometimes they feel happier with a familiar situation, even though they are aware that much is wrong with their circumstances.

Recently my mum and dad moved to a care home as this had become the only safe practical option for them. The home is lovely and the care staff are wonderful, and they seem to be doing well there. However my mum has had problems settling and she is still struggling to accept and adapt to the change. Even though there was no alternative to residential care for them because of dad’s dementia and mum’s poor sight, mum still cannot get used to their change in circumstances.

I am sure, as time goes on, that my mum will begin to accept her situation, and through accepting she will start to feel so much better.

It does sometimes take time to accept change, and not all changes are for the better. But very often, finding a way to adapt to what may actually turn out to be a very positive thing brings a new perspective and optimism, as well as encouraging a certain resilience.

The one thing that we can be certain of is that there will always be change. Accepting this is half the battle.

Warmest wishes,

Wendy x

Mr Chalk and I have recently returned from a wonderful holiday in Vietnam. It was the first time we had been there and it was truly an amazing experience to see such a vibrant country and people.

We were lucky enough to see 3 world heritage sites during our trip, and this was awe-inspiring in itself. However, I have to say that the bits of the holiday I found most enjoyable is just watching people get on with their lives, either from a taxi, bicycle or just on foot. The last few days of our holiday were spent in hot, bustling Hanoi – a fascinating city which, until the 1990s had seen mostly bicycles in the streets and very little in the way of motorised vehicles.

The city has certainly made up for it since that time, as there are millions of scooters and motorbikes now. We could hardly believe our eyes, and such was the madness of the traffic that we found it almost impossible to cross the road. You really did take your life in your hands. Traffic lights and road signs were also a rarity.

We could not understand how there were not more accidents, with whole families riding on one scooter, people on their mobiles while driving with huge loads on the back, as well as the sheer number of vehicles.

What we soon learned was that each person in the street was actually always very alert, and took responsibility for their own safety. There seemed to be a ‘flow’ to the traffic and no road rage occurred, which is what you would expect. The drivers were assertive, yet steady and respectful of others. The honk of horns was not to chide, but just saying ‘I’m here’.

We could really learn from this in the West. We are so quick to apportion blame, for all sorts of things including our health and welfare, our living standards, the state of our roads, schools, hospitals, never taking responsibility ourselves.

Returning from a country which really does have a reason to feel bitter and angry but actually demonstrates a wonderful sense of confidence and resilience has been a real eye-opener.

Warmest wishes,

Wendy x

As some of you may know music features a great deal in my life, and I am always reminded of the wonderful healing effect music can have on us.

I was very fortunate yesterday evening to see the amazing Dillie Keane. You may have seen her with her group Fascinating Aida, or possibly on  TV as one of the grumpy old women. She is a prolific writer of funny songs particularly appealing to women of ‘a certain age’ like myself, and she both sings and plays the piano. I went with a dear friend who I hadn’t seen for a long time and who had also been having a bit of a rough time of late, it was a great tonic for both of us. Dillie is such a clever lady, do have a look on YouTube at some of her work, it will have you in stitches.

Then tonight I am very lucky to be seeing my son, Olly, play piano in a Big Band concert at Birmingham Conservatoire. I’m very excited and feel so privileged to be able to see performances such as this. Olly is in his last year of a jazz piano degree, and we are so proud of him.

We have also been able to help my dad still enjoy music even though he has dementia. There is a wonderful website called ‘Designability’ which supplies products which make life easier and we bought him a ‘one button’ radio which means that he can now switch on to his favourite station, Classic FM, whenever he wants to.

In the words of ABBA, thank you for the music (sorry!)

Warmest wishes,

Wendy x

My apologies for not blogging for some time. I’m afraid that life has got in the way of late and my elderly parents have taken priority for the past few months. I am happy to say that I have now settled them both in to a lovely care home nearby, so I can now start to focus once again on work.

Listening to Radio 4 this lunchtime, ‘You and Yours’ was talking about public health campaigns and how useful they are (or not) in getting people to lose weight, drink less, stop smoking etc. Some of the callers explained that they felt that they had been genuinely persuaded by this sort of campaign and it was the catalyst to make them change their behaviour.

My personal feeling is that the NHS’ latest campaign – costing the taxpayer £3.5 million – is a terrible waste of money. People tend to already realise that they should cut down on alcohol, lay off the cake and chips, go to bed earlier etc. The problem is they don’t know HOW to do it. That’s where the help needs to be focussed. And, the thing is it’s really not easy to do these things. Most people these days are so stressed and over-worked that they resort to the quick fixes – the glass of wine, the chocolate cake, the cigarette – which will make them feel better in the short term.

Life is hard for many people, and unless we tackle the underlying factors which I believe include a complete overhaul of mental health services in this country, then there will be no significant change in behaviour patterns any time soon.

Very often, unhealthy lifestyles have at their root cause a mental health issue, whether that is anxiety, depression, social phobia etc.  I find that very often, after a course of hypnotherapy, a client feels so much better about themselves, that they no longer feel the need for their ‘crutch’ be it smoking, drinking, eating too much.

Warmest wishes everyone

Wendy x

One of the very gratifying things that tends to happen to many of the clients that I see is that they experience better sleep.

This welcoming by-product often occurs (along with other unsought gains like feeling calmer, more confident generally) even if we are not directly targeting sleep issues during the hypnotherapy sessions. Clients may be coming to me for weight loss treatment, stopping smoking, phobias, anxiety etc. but then, as well as dealing with these issues, find that they are getting a better night’s sleep in terms of both quality and quantity.

I have a profound belief in the importance of sleep in the way it can affect our wellbeing, but it is now becoming evident that sleep is so much more important for health than we realise.

Researchers have recently found that poor sleep patterns can possibly increase the risk of developing Alzheimer’s. This is of interest to me as my lovely dad is now suffering from this cruel disease – it may be no coincidence that for many years he was a shift worker and, even after retiring, had an erratic sleep pattern. Let’s hope that, over time, we can really be much better armed against this terrible disease, but addressing our sleep may be a sensible precaution initially.

Best wishes to you all,

Wendy x

Mr Chalk and I are extremely boring and will be staying in this New Year’s Eve – he is preparing a delicious meal for me as we speak, and we shall be curling up in front of the fire watching Jools’ Hootenanny later on (I know it’s pre-recorded but we like it).

Its not been an easy year for us personally so it will be nice to have a peaceful relaxed evening. My lovely dad is now in a nursing home, so he is sadly apart from my mum, who he has been with for 65 years. It’s been a very challenging time so I do feel for the poor couple involved in the shooting at the nursing home in Walton. Until you encounter dementia you cannot possibly know how cruel it is and I only hope that leniency is shown towards the husband in this case.

On the plus side we have had some good times this year too – a lovely holiday in Thailand and Hong Kong, fun days out in our new little MX5 called Morton ( I had a thing about the band Aha ..), lots of good times with family and friends, and continuing to enjoy our – now grown-up – children and their achievements.

Nearly at the end of the year, I like to look back and think about the wonderful clients I have had the great privilege to help in 2015, inspirational people who have been a joy to work with.

I look forward to meeting more of you in 2016, and wish you all a very happy, healthy and peaceful New Year.

Wendy x

We hypnotherapists tend to get a bit of a bad press due obviously in part to the fact that’s the industry is not strictly regulated.

It’s therefore really important, if you are considering hypnotherapy for whatever reason, that you consult a practitioner who is accredited by one of the main hypnotherapy bodies. I am approved by the National Council for Hypnotherapy and also the General Hypnotherapy Register, two of the most widely recognised associations. This means that I abide by a strict code of practice.

However, it’s also essential that you choose your hypnotherapist with care and consideration, and that the person that you see you feel you have a really good rapport with.

He or she should offer a free consultation (face to face is best) after which you can leave without obligation or go ahead with treatment. The hypnotherapist should listen attentively and without judgement during the consultation, then explain to you what course of treatment would be best for you. They should be able to make it reasonably clear how many sessions you would need, and what support they are able to offer between appointments (this could include exercises in self-hypnosis, listening to a personalised download or cd, reading a self-help book etc.)

Sometimes you may have a recommendation from a friend who has received hypnotherapy treatment, and it’s often a good idea to go with this, although I should add that what might have worked well for your friend, may not be right for you.

In any case, make sure you do your research beforehand, as it really does pay in the long term. There are many excellent hypnotherapists out there – make sure you choose a good one.

best wishes,

wendy x