My apologies for the absence of my blog for so long.  We have had some challenging times the last few months with my 89 year old dad being poorly and now, sadly, in a nursing home. My amazing mum who is 87 and has health issues of her own is still at home and coping remarkably well. All of this has meant that work has had to go on the back burner for a little while, but now that we have dad settled in a truly lovely place, I can start to get back to normal again.

Mum and dad have been together for 65 years and I can’t begin to guess how heartbreaking it must be for them to be apart. One of the things that dad always did was de-frost their upstairs fridge (don’t ask why it was upstairs – that’s another story). My brother and his wife were up last weekend and helped mum to start the process off, then mum managed it herself. The weird thing is, the same time she was defrosting the fridge my dad had a bit of an accident in his room at the home and left the tap on in his sink, causing a flood. They had to dry out his room, so put him in another one temporarily. It might be just me, but it seems that they are almost still telepathically connected. I must make sure that mum doesn’t start any bonfires.

Mr Chalk and I have been together for quite a while too – 25 years this year. We celebrated by going back to the same hotel where we had our honeymoon – the Kata Thani in Phuket – and had a truly relaxing and restful stay, just what we needed. That area where we stayed had been very sadly affected by the tsunami, so the hotel and surrounding resort had been re-built, but we could still recognise bits from when we had stayed 25 years ago. We also had a lovely evening at a favourite restaurant called the ‘Lobster and Prawn’ where we were made to feel like celebrities by the owner, who had started the restaurant up 30 years ago. We showed him pictures of us there when we were on honeymoon, and he was delighted to see them, as this was when he had been going for just a few years. It was very moving for all, as some of the staff had been there since the beginning and they all came to say hello. A lovely evening.

Well, we are now into silly season, so I am hoping that you all manage to grab some peaceful time with your family and friends amidst all the chaos.

warmest wishes,

Wendy x

I do hope that you are all well and enjoying this summerish weather. I have been confined to barracks over the last couple of weeks following an operation on both knees. All went well and I am slowly getting back to fighting fitness although there are certain things that I still can’t do, ironing being one of them – much to Mr and Master Chalk’s collective dismay as this has always been ‘my job’.

It is very frustrating not being able to drive yet. My surgeon said a good indication of whether you are ready to drive is if you can use the stairs without using the handrails, and I am still very much at the stage of ‘clinging on for dear life’ so evidently not quite ready yet.

Where we live is really quite far from any sign of civilisation so my lifesaver has been the internet. Whilst I realise that the internet has spawned much in the way of evil and nasty, there is also a wonderful side to it which keeps you in touch with the rest of the world.

I’m not a great one for Facebook and the like, but I can at least keep in touch with friends and family via email and also I’m enjoying some good TV programmes, one of these being the brilliant series, Madmen. I didn’t catch it when it originally came out on BBC4, but am addicted to it now, it is such a wonderfully written and stylish drama and interesting for me, as a child born in the 60s, to realise how different things were then. It does make you squirm watching it, particularly the attitude towards women, who are very much kept in their place.

Fortunately, things have changed, and it’s no longer expected that women should do the ironing …..

Warmest wishes,

Wendy x

In an earlier blog I may have mentioned on-going problems with my knees. Well, we are now getting somewhere because an MRI scan has finally revealed what is going on, and I am having both knees operated on next week. It may seem strange because I am really happy to be going under the knife, but my surgeon says we can get the knees back to 85 percent function. That’s good enough for me, I don’t want to be doing marathons, just getting up and down stairs and in and out of bed without the aid of a hoist will be quite wonderful.

Mr Chalk is weirdly envious of my procedure, not because of the operation but because I will be having a general anaesthetic. We all have our strange little fetishes, but my husband has a particular love of  being anaesthetised. I think it may be due to the fact that he finds it difficult to switch off and so strong chemicals being injected into his veins are the only way to achieve this, so that he can really let go. Anyone else around who has the same feeling about anaesthetic? I would love to hear your stories.

I, on the other hand, have always found it very easy to switch off – years of being a hypnotherapist have enhanced this skill – so I shall probably be away with the fairies before I even have the anaesthetic next week. That feeling of letting go comes quite naturally to me.

I will therefore be out of action for a few weeks, but back to work towards the end of August, so look forward to seeing new clients and regulars then.

Wishing you all a wonderful summer.

Wendy x

I set out not wanting to like a recent programme on Channel 4 ‘Marriage at First Sight’ but have nevertheless found it riveting – although sometimes uncomfortable – viewing.

If you have not seen it, the programme involved putting together couples based on their compatibility, and ending up with some – hopefully – perfect and long-lasting marriages. Endless interviews and tests were carried out by so-called ‘experts’ in the field, with the idea that the couples would be perfectly well-suited.

Out of the two couples who eventually ended up walking down the aisle it seemed that Jason and Kate would last the distance. They looked so good together, and when Jason launched himself in for a double kiss at the first sight of Kate it did seem that, at least physically, there was a very strong attraction there.

By contrast, the other couple James and Emma, seemed not to have that physical attraction between them, but perhaps the makings of a great friendship as they were very laughey and jokey together.

It came as quite a surprise then, when Jason and Kate’s relationship broke down after Kate found that Jason had put his profile on Tinder (and subsequently admitted that he did not feel attracted to Kate, which I’m sure came as a surprise to many, the girl was stunning after all!)  James and Emma, meanwhile seem to be making it work and are still married. I have to secretly admit that I found James utterly lovely and charming, Emma is a lucky girl as he seemed to want to do everything to please her, but not in a drippy way. The man is a diamond, keep hold of him Emma.

I wish all of them well but I don’t really believe that a relationship can be successfully ‘engineered’ in this way. Just because a couple have similar personalities, likes and dislikes, IQ levels etc. does not mean that they are going to hit it off. It is so much more random than that and that’s the fun of it – meeting someone by chance and then letting the attraction develop. Although I do realise that a lot of couples get together through dating websites now and, to be quite honest, if I were single, I would probably go down that route.

If Mr Chalk and I were to have applied to be on this programme there is no way on earth that we would have been matched together. Mr C likes to tell people that we are ‘compatibly incompatible’ as there is a so much more that we don’t have in common than we do. We are so very different in all sorts of ways, yet in about a month’s time we will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary in Italy, so something must be working fairly well.

Wishing you all love and happiness in your relationships.

Wendy x

ps. By the way James, if by any chance Emma lets you down and I don’t quite make it to my 25th, then call me. I hope you don’t mind a bit of an age gap.

I first came across mindfulness about five years ago when I stumbled on a book in Waterstones by one of its founding fathers, the American doctor Jon Kabat-Zinn, in which he focused on using mindfulness meditation to combat clinical depression. The book literally jumped out at me and I sat in the shop reading for ages – I did buy it in the end, I hasten to add. Since that time I have read more on the subject, attended an experiential course and use elements of it in my practice.

Over the last year or so mindfulness seems to have become surrounded by a massive hype – it’s the panacea, the cure-all, the ultimate therapy to end misery. What then tends to happen is that many people, who have perhaps tried other therapies with little success, believe then that mindfulness is their last hope. They have such high expectations of its efficacy that they can end up disappointed when it doesn’t quite do what they expected.

I think it’s quite bizarre that mindfulness has attracted such hype because, for me, it is really nothing more than stilling the mind. We all have the capacity to do this but, so often, in today’s world we choose not to and therefore the ‘skill’ of being mindful is becoming lost to us.

You really do not need to go on a course to practice mindfulness, you , can practice it whenever you want to, wherever you are. You do not need to sit cross-legged on a mat (problematic for me anyway because of dodgy knees). All you need to do is just attend to the moment, the sounds around you, what you see and feel. For example at this moment I am sat in my living room listening to birdsong, the tone, the rhythm, the pauses in between and when you pay attention like this it’s almost as if it’s the first time you have heard a bird singing. I realise that sounds cheesy but it’s true.

So, I am convinced of the benefit of mindfulness, but I would add that – in a therapeutic setting – it needs to be part of a much more comprehensive toolbox of different approaches to be really effective.

Wendy x

You may have used one of the many apps there are around to try and lose weight, the most famous one being ‘my fitness pal’.

Whilst I think that this type of thing is a very useful tool for weight loss, it has come to light that they can be dangerous for those people suffering with eating disorders.  There can be a tendency to become addicted to the app, and apparently some people are making it their goal to consume many less calories than their daily goal. When the ‘set’ amount of calories is actually already quite low at 1200 per day, this can be very unhealthy, particularly for teenagers who are still growing and who, therefore, sometimes need to take on board more calories.

On the plus side, for people who actually need to lose weight they do seem to be a good way of easily clocking how many calories you are taking in and therefore making sure that you don’t go over your daily allowance.

I still believe, however, that by tuning into feelings of hunger and just eating till satisfied is the best way to ensure a really healthy relationship with food. Hypnotherapy is able to do this by addressing emotional eating and getting you in touch with the part of you which actually knows exactly what to do in order to lose weight.

By the way a big thank you to the wonderful Sion who has built my wonderful new website which I am thrilled with and I think you’ll agree looks fab.

Hope you are all enjoying this lovely sunshine.

Wendy x

I have recently had a big clear out. This was prompted by new carpets being fitted throughout the whole house, the old ones being mostly laid bare by carpet moths, and so the new ones are polyester (sounds horrible but actually it looks and feels like the real thing and apparently the moths gag on it). Clients will be able to experience the luxury of the the new carpet as I have had my practice room done too. It all looks lovely.

The clearing out process, including the cupboard of fear – we’ve all got one of those havn’t we? – was really quite cathartic, and I can feel a different, lighter energy in the house now. In the same way that our minds hold onto stuff which we really need and want to be rid of, we sometimes keep actual items which we no longer have any use for. However I did find that once I had started I tended to be much more brutal and my husband had to hold me back from throwing out things that we still wanted to keep (like a sofa or one of our children … )

When taken to extremes it can be that you are either a person who hoards for England or one of those minimalist types who have everything painted white and no stuff at all. Of course the former can be a very serious issue and indicative of somebody who has been through loss or trauma and therefore finds comfort in filling their homes with all sorts of things which they really do not need. I do think that a bare home also indicates a certain mindset, and, as with everything a balance between the two is good. Sometimes we can be affected by our childhood home so if your mum was hoarder of every type of trinket, you may well go in the opposite direction when you have your own place.

Whatever you are – hoarder or de-clutterer – I like to think of hypnotherapy as a way to give the mind a good clear out, and what’s amazing is that this process can happen without having to lug furniture around or clear out cupboards. One of the things that many clients tell me is how much more energetic they felt after a session, lighter and clearer headed. It may then be that a problem you have been struggling with for sometime suddenly becomes easy to solve, or you may just be aware of having more positive thoughts.

The moths are really cross now, by the way ….

Wendy x

Otherwise fairly fit and healthy I am having a bit of trouble with my knees of late (might be an age thing) to the effect that they are no longer behaving as knees should, eg. bending, weight bearing etc. I am going to see a rheumatologist but have had blood tests which seem to indicate a lack of arthritis, which is very positive, but a bit of a mystery.

I do sometimes think that our bodies indicate to us when we are overloaded in all sorts of interesting ways and we need to listen and pay attention to what is going on. I remember seeing a client who had the most awful IBS after splitting from a partner, and had actually described how she felt as ‘gutted’. The split was causing these very physical symptoms. The emotions that she felt were going directly to her stomach. Also, I heard of a chap who could not accept his son’s sexuality when he found out he was gay, he found it actually distasteful and then developed a strange symptom in which he had the experience of an awful smell in his nose.

This type of thing serves to illustrate how the body and mind are so closely related. I have thought about my ‘knee’ business and although it may well be that an MRI reveals a mechanical fault, I do think that some stress that I had last year in which I almost felt I was having to carry some family members going through a difficult time caused me to buckle under the strain. This difficult time has fortunately passed now, although the knees still seem to be complaining. Perhaps it is my age after all!

Wendy x

I am so pleased that some schools are now opting to ban homework, and this is not just primary schools. Apparently Cheltenham Ladies College is doing away with ‘prep’ and also making sure that students have more relaxation time, including weekly meditation classes. I only hope that this begins a trend across both private and state schools. Given the increase in rates of depression in children and young people, it is essential that the whole country changes it’s thinking in this way.

I have long felt that the amount of time a child is in school should be enough for them to be able to learn, and that home time should be just that – time at home to relax and unwind with the family. The demands on children and teenagers are so great now, that it is very important that they have some time to just ‘be’, away from the rigours of deadlines and school work. Of course, it is really important that this downtime is not spent just on smartphones or iPads, but that there is an encouragement to do other stuff too. But these need to be activities without structure, as endless clubs and sports commitments could end up being as tiresome and stressful as homework.

In many ways the world is a better place for youngsters now, much less bigotry and more freedom for people to be themselves, many more opportunities. However, by another token, there are so many more stressors on the young person, including the pressure to perform well at school, as well as all the other things such as body image, broken families, money and career worries, that we have to realise the importance of having the time and space to relax and just enjoy time at home.

I am mindful of the fact that many young people will be in the midst of exams at this time, so I’m sending my best wishes and thoughts to you all (and to your parents!) Take care.

Wendy x

I was very sad to hear the news about Charles Kennedy, the Liberal Democrat MP, who died yesterday aged 55. We do not yet know the circumstances of his death but whatever the cause, it is certainly untimely.

Although a very successful parliamentarian as well as being a well-liked and genuine man, he battled with alcohol and bravely made this public knowledge a few years ago. The loss of his seat recently must have been devastating, after over 30 years as an MP, compounded by the recent death of his father who he cared for. His marriage had ended in 2005, although he was a doting dad to his little boy.

He was certainly a man of principle as evidenced by his passionate opposition to the Iraq war and he can be admired for this as, at the time, many around him were pro-war. Events since that time show that he was right in his belief that such action would ultimately lead to huge unrest, and anti-West fervour such as we now see with the Islamic State.

Sometimes it is said that people such as Charles Kennedy and other troubled souls like him see things all too clearly whilst the rest of us manage to find a way to ‘rose tint’ life, enabling us to function without the need for a crutch.

I hope that his family and friends find comfort in the outpouring of love and respect being expressed about this warm-hearted and genuine man.

Wendy x