Last night I went with my younger son to watch our team, Ipswich Town, play Wolves. We were looking forward to the game, had a good feeling about it, and felt that – after a dodgy start to the season – our Tractor boys were going to play up and get a really good result.

Well, we ended up being disappointed as it turned out as the Town did not play at all well, and lost 2-0 to a decidedly average Wolves. Never mind.

Where we sit in the ground, we have a brilliant view of the match, but unfortunately behind us is a lady who I shall call Mrs Negativity, and throughout most of the game she commented on every single mistake our team made, how poor they were, how terrible it is to watch, and how bad the team is – and yes, she is an Ipswich Town supporter. My son and I got so fed up at one point that we almost turned round and had a word with her – why on earth does she still keep coming, only to moan throughout the whole match. I made a particular point of cheering when Ipswich played well, and commenting positively on their play, although it must be said that as the game went on, this was quite difficult to do.

I really hope that our team manages to turn things round, but the point I want to make here is that some people really do seem to actually enjoy being negative, they absolutely thrive on it, but they can be unaware of how it ‘pollutes’ the area around them by sending out these negative vibes. I do sometimes even think that a team can even tend to absorb the feelings given out by the supporters, although in saying this I am not excusing the players of not playing up.

Some people that I meet have problems working or living with people who give out this ‘negative’ energy – they find that they absorb it, and end up feeling miserable or drained, despite being generally optimistic people themselves.

We have all met or come into contact with these types of people, and the first thing we have to realise is that we cannot change them, but what we CAN change is our response to them. Through hypnotherapy and NLP, it is possible to use our imaginations to protect ourselves from the doom and gloom-mongers, and this can be done in all sorts of ways by using our own creative minds. Sometimes in hypnosis clients can imagine that they are surrounded by a very protective bubble, and this enables them to ‘bounce off’ any negative energy that might be around them. Or else, the difficult person can be ‘shrunk down’ and their voice reduced to a tiny squeak, so they do not affect us in the same way. This type of therapy can be used with great effect with children, as they have such imaginative minds and usually come up with all sorts of ways that they can protect themselves in difficult encounters.

Call me on 01449 780352 or 07817158429 to find out how hypnotherapy and NLP could help you.

Wendy x

PS. By the way, for those of you who read my last blog, my musical son is loving life in Birmingham and enjoying fresher’s week to the full. House is very quiet though. W

As we speak, Mr Chalk is taking eldest son up to Birmingham Conservatoire, so he can start his four year course in jazz piano, and I am so very proud of him.

It has been a really stressful few days. Telephone calls to the student loan company trying to find out when his grant would be coming through, trying to make sure that he has everything he needs on his list, and then receiving his desperate call on Friday afternoon to tell me that he had driven into the back of another car.  Thankfully, he was unhurt, but very shook up, and my car looks as though it could be a write-off. It may have been prophetic that I was talking about stress in my last blog.

I thought that I would feel more wretched waving him off this morning, and it was true that I did feel sad as I will miss him terribly. However, a sense of calm and relief seemed to descend on me as I know that now is the right time for him to go, he is doing the course that he wanted to do, he is staying in a really nice hall of residence (with en-suite rooms for heaven sake!) and he is now able to do what he really loves to do, play music, all the time. Actually, in all honesty, I’m probably a bit jealous.

As a parent, all we can wish for for our children is happiness, and I know that Olly has it within him to do what makes him happy, he has been one of the lucky ones who has found the key to his personal bliss early in life.

So, although I know that there will be hard times when money is tight, he misses my cooking (or maybe not) and has the stress of exams and performances, overall he will love it, because he will be immersed in music, and will be with ‘his people’.

My very best wishes to all of those going away to university, and to those sending them off.  You just have to let them fly now.

Wendy x

PS. I think I may leave it a little while before I go in his room.

Recent research from University College London indicates that job-related stress can lead to increased risk from heart attacks. No surprise there really.

However, they point out that it is often those who work in very mundane, repetitive jobs and have little control over the work that they do can suffer more from stress, compared to those who are in potentially much more stressful situations, such as
medical professionals working in an A&E Department. These are clearly examples of very different kinds of stress, and it is true that it can come in different forms, including having too little to do, as well as having too much.

We can also experience stress in the form of difficult relationships, having to cope with illness, financial worries, family troubles as well as job or career challenges.

Nobody ever has a totally stress-free life, and nor would they want it. There has been much said in the news recently about how a certain amount of stress is actually good for us, but as always, its getting the balance right and unfortunately this is not really under our control.

However, what IS within our control is our response to the stress in our lives, and this can be managed by making sure that we keep ourselves in the best possible health, physically and emotionally. Obviously looking after our bodies by putting good natural food inside them is important, as well as taking regular exercise. Finding a physical activity which we really enjoy and can do easily and often is a wonderful way of dealing with stress, as is finding a way to relax by practising meditation, self-hypnosis or yoga.

Sometimes it is really necessary to take a good hard look at our lives, in order to assess where we can perhaps make things easier for ourselves. Often when I see clients they feel so close to their situation that it seems impossible for them to make change. By helping them to take a step back, and also to really look at their lives from a different perspective, they are then able to see ways that they can instigate change in order to make their lives easier but also more satisfying.

Stress is one of those necessary evils, but it is possible to respond to it in a positive way, and even using it creatively to make changes that may be long overdue.

If you would like to have a chat with me to find out how hypnotherapy can help you to deal with stress in your life, then please call me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

The panorama programme on BBC1 the other evening presented by the wonderful Joan Bakewell, ‘Old, Drunk & Disorderly’ made interesting, if somewhat disturbing viewing.

We seem to be well aware these days of the excessive  and all-to-evident drinking amongst the young (as someone whose son will soon be sampling the delights of fresher’s week in Birmingham, this is home territory for me) but perhaps less so of the ever-rising drinking habit in the elderly.

The over-60s appear to be a very vulnerable group, in terms of loneliness, depression and lack of purpose and this can lead to addictive habits such as drinking, in the hope of gaining some comfort and solace. A daily habit of having a glass of wine at ‘that certain time of day’ can soon lead to the consumption of a whole bottle during the evening, as the programme alarmingly reported. And even those who do not consume this much may well be exceeding the government’s recommended limit of units, as Dame Joan herself found, after keeping a drink diary for a month. It seems to be all to easy to drink to excess, and it may well be that elderly people feel that, at this time of life, they can do what they want, and do not feel that they should be dictated to by the nanny state.

However, I think in truth that most people recognise the dangers of drinking too much, and particularly in old age recognise that it can have a disastrous effect on health in so many ways – not just the usual liver disease, stroke, diabetes, heart problems – but also is a major risk factor in hastening the onset of dementia and can cause depression and mental illness.

The problem is, whilst we can recognise that we are drinking too much, it is often difficult to cut down.

As a hypnotherapist, I see a lot of people who are keen to cut down their drinking, and it is important to recognise that the drink is serving some kind of need. Once this fact is realised, then we can work on replacing the drinking habit with another (healthy and life-affirming) habit which will provide comfort and solace, but without the negative consequences on health.  In addition, suggestions given during hypnosis can be very powerful in getting the person to drink really slowly, and be satisfied with just one glass – people often say that they feel so much better and feel the benefit of this, and so they also then go on to have a couple of nights a week (at least) where they are not drinking.

I like a nice glass of something chilled as much as the next person, but I am aware of enjoying it so much more by limiting it.  As in all things, moderation is the key.

If you feel that your drinking habit it spiralling out of control, do contact me on 01449 780352, or 07817158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk to have a chat about how I can help you.

Wendy x

I think that the NHScampaign encouraging people to stop smoking just for the month of October – Stoptober – is an excellent idea. It is certainly the case that if you can give up a habit for a period of 4 weeks, then it is much more likely that you are going to be able to give up that habit for life.

The first few weeks of giving up are sometimes the most difficult, as it seems strange and alien ‘not to be doing that thing that you do’, and there are times when the urge to give in is really strong. The reason for this is that your subconscious is still telling you that you want, and need that cigarette, even though your conscious mind has decided, very sensibly, to give up this habit.

However, with hypnosis, it seems that people do find it easier to give up, as the subconscious is given very strong suggestions during the hypnotherapy session, which mean that all parts of you are in agreement about stopping smoking, not just the conscious part. Very often I find that clients who have experienced my stop smoking treatment tell me that they find that they do not have any cravings at all, and the wonderful thing is that this feeling lasts, so giving up is actually much easier than they thought it would be. An added by-product is that they feel much calmer, and less stressed generally after the treatment.

If you are thinking about giving up for ‘Stoptober’ but feel that you need a little help in the process, do please contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Wendy x

I do think that more people are starting to accept hypotherapy as a valid and effective treatment for many psychological and emotional disorders, and not just the slightly strange and quirky alternative therapy practised by Mr or Mrs Weird for stopping smoking.

Even medical practitioners themselves have begun to wake up to the fact that hypnosis can be used to treat seemingly ‘physical’ disorders such as IBS. Also, in terms of pain relief, there is recognition that hypnosis can be really effective – more and more women are opting for hypno-birthing in order to have as natural and relaxing birth experience as possible. Midwives are being trained in the technique, so that they can offer this as an option.

I am really hopeful that this acceptance of hypnotherapy by the mainstream will continue, but my concern is that it will be seen as just another ‘tool’ that any medical practitioner can use, and ‘bite-size’ hypnosis will be used by inexperienced and unqualifed people, with very limited results.

When I began as a hypnotherapist, I did rely to a certain extent on ‘scripts’, these are suggestions used in hypnosis which cover a whole range of subjects from weight loss to depression. However, I soon found that it was really important to tailor the hypnosis suggestions to the client, and in this way the most effective results can be achieved. A skilled hypnotherapist will find out as much as he or she can, and really listen to the language of the client, before then ‘crafting’ the therapy treatment.

And I do really believe it is a ‘craft’, not something that can be formalised or scripted, and this is where the real magic occurs. This is the creative part of my work that I love, as by using what I am presented with, I can then ‘weave’ my therapeutic intervention, with often really amazing results. I realise that I am beginning to sound more like Mrs Weird here!

I think maybe that this is where the medical profession seem to find it difficult, as this type of therapy cannot be quantified, measured or assessed in the same way that conventional treatments can be.

But my hope is that, in the years to come, there is even more recognition that hypnotherapy (in the hands of a qualified, experience clinical practitioner) can be extremely effective and ultimately life changing, in the way it can lead people to find the solutions they long for.

Wendy x

I am an avid fan of the BBC2 programme ‘Great British Bake Off’ and it never ceases to amaze me what wonderful creations these amateur bakers can produce under really stressful conditions.

I love cooking and baking myself, but it is all really quite homely fare, although occasionally I set myself a slightly more difficult challenge, and really enjoy the whole process of planning and then painstakingly creating my very own work of art. I find that I can become so involved in decorating a cake, and several hours can pass by without me realising it. For me, making and decorating a cake for somebody’s birthday, anniversary or any sort of occasion is something that I love to do, an almost meditative act in which I can completely lose myself.

Mary Berry revealed recently that she found a great deal of comfort in baking after the death of her grown-up son, and also the novelist Marian Keyes has written about the fact that baking has helped alleviate her spells of depression. It does certainly seem to be an activity which is regaining popularity, as more people are finding how relaxing and rewarding it can be.

But it doesn’t have to be baking. I firmly believe that we all possess a creative part, and once we can find something that this part of our mind can really focus on, then it often means that other worries or anxieties are completely forgotten about. In this ‘creative meditation’ our analytical, ruminating mind can be still for once, and we can allow ourselves that sense of peace and relaxation which comes from merely focussing on what we are doing.

Whether that is baking, making model aeroplanes, gardening or painting. It really doesn’t matter ……

Wendy x

I would guess that about 40% of my clients come to me wanting to lose weight. And out of those, I often then find that in actual fact, weight is not the main issue which concerns them.

When we start to scratch the surface we usually discover other issues which are often at the root cause of an unhealthy relationship with food and this could be a difficult relationship, lack of confidence, boredom, dissatisfaction at work and sometimes even a physical illness.  Therefore it is very important that I find out as much as I can about the client before starting their treatment, this ensures that we are tackling the root, as opposed to just the symptom. Once the client can start to gain a different perspective on ‘what lies beneath’ and starts to believe that change is possible, then the weight often seems to drop off as a matter of course.

Many of the people I see seem to be less bothered about their weight, but more concerned about their eating habits. Through years of dieting, there appears to be this obsession with food – we can no longer just wake up and say ‘what do I really fancy eating today’, but everything has to be analysed, weighed, portion-sized to the extreme. This need for control at all times very often then leads to the other extreme – a total binge on all the wrong sorts of foods/drinks, and then feeling totally disgusting afterwards.

Through hypnotherapy, we can actually address our root needs and then what often happens is that our minds and bodies find balance once again, everything ‘feels’ right and we no longer need to resort to extremes of behaviour, like overeating. A client said to me the other day that she finally felt ‘free’ after years of fad diets and eating plans. Therefore she was allowing herself to eat whatever she wanted, but oddly she no longer felt the need to.

Do get in touch if you would love to have that same sense of freedom around food – wendy@wendychalk.co.uk or phone me on 01449 780352 / 07817158429.

Wendy x

Some of you who read my blog (I do like to think that you do exist, and not just in my head) may recall that a year or so ago I recounted the story of how my lovely dentist was able to save one of my teeth from complete extinction and by the use of most of the available amalgam in Suffolk managed to create the illusion that there was still a tooth there, even though most of it was filling. Suffice it to say I was ecstatic at not having to lose the tooth completely.

Well, dear readers, I suppose that the writing was on the wall and it was only a matter of time before the tooth would completely give up the ghost, and it was whilst chomping on a hard-centre the other day, that I noticed that one bit of this confection seemed to be particularly hard, and found that the remaining actual bit of tooth had come out.

I had to admit it that I knew, this time, that even my clever dentist would be unable to patch this one up and so yesterday – as I still had the remainder of the tooth resting in the gum – he persuaded me to have a flat filling. This will make it easier, if I ever have the money to afford a dental implant, for this to be fitted. 

For now, however, there is a gap in my teeth. Its not so bad, and doesn’t seem to show to much as it is near the back, but nevertheless it does feel slightly strange and my tongue keeps wandering to the gap. There is also the slightly weird feeling of not being symetrical, tooth-wise and therefore a little bit unbalanced. One almost feels as if it would feel better to have the tooth taken out from the other side to match.

But really I thought that I would be much more bothered about it, and I’m not.

I have been captivated by the Paralympics, and was watching the swimming last night, totally inspired by these wonderful inspirational athletes. They have had to adjust to bits of their bodies no longer being there but seem to achieve so much in spite of this, or perhaps, as they themselves have explained, because of  it. So, what does it matter if I’m missing a tooth, for heaven sake?

The human capacity to adjust in the face of illness, accident or misfortune never ceases to humble or amaze me, it is that spirit of ‘just getting on with it’ and finding their own way to triumph over – what appears to us – the most horrific injuries and disabilities. But I do also realise that what these wonderful people are looking for is not pity, praise or even understanding, but merely an acceptance of their difference as just that, no more or less and to have exactly the same opportunities as everyone else.

Enjoy the Paralympics everyone,

Wendy x

The recent story in the newspapers about the lion on the loose in Essex has really caught the public’s imagination, and its easy to understand why. When I first read about it, it seemed to combine so many elements from my childhood – our trips to Colchester Zoo, days out at Walton-on-the-Naze, and even my favourite television programme as a youngster, Daktari.  You could just imagine Clarence the lion wandering along the Essex coastline and seeing two Clacton piers (I realise that this will mean nothing to anyone under the age of 45) it truly is the stuff of legend.

It is interesting how the mind can allow us to ‘see’ things that are not really there, and also not see things which are there! In neuro-linguistic programming, we learn how each person interprets what they see, hear and feel in their own individual way and this is why we get massive differences in people’s perception of what is going on around them.  Their senses are only the first port of call for the information around them to arrive at, before the data is then processed using their own unique ‘filter’. This filter is made up of a whole conglomeration of memories, conditioning, habits, imagination, so you can well understand how one individual’s interpretation of things can be very different from another’s.

Last week we went to see our local team, Ipswich Town, play their first game of the season. Maybe it was due to where we were sitting, but we were very positive about the team’s performance and felt that they played really well. The following day we met up with a neighbour who also saw the same match, and his comments were that it was the worse he had seen them play. Now in this case, it could well be due to position of seating, but also I think that expectation plays a definite part here.

I always tell my clients about their unique ‘filter on the world’ and how it is possible to adjust this, if they are tired of seeing things in monochrome.  I liken it to one of those kaleidoscopes (I used to have hours of fun with those) where you can just turn the tube a tiny bit, and you get a totally different pattern. Once people can open up their mind to the possibility of change, and the fact that change does not have to be difficult or onerous, then the adjustment can be made with ease.

So, Clarence the lion or giant kitty? Your guess is as good as mine ….

Wendy x