The recent story in the newspapers about the lion on the loose in Essex has really caught the public’s imagination, and its easy to understand why. When I first read about it, it seemed to combine so many elements from my childhood – our trips to Colchester Zoo, days out at Walton-on-the-Naze, and even my favourite television programme as a youngster, Daktari.  You could just imagine Clarence the lion wandering along the Essex coastline and seeing two Clacton piers (I realise that this will mean nothing to anyone under the age of 45) it truly is the stuff of legend.

It is interesting how the mind can allow us to ‘see’ things that are not really there, and also not see things which are there! In neuro-linguistic programming, we learn how each person interprets what they see, hear and feel in their own individual way and this is why we get massive differences in people’s perception of what is going on around them.  Their senses are only the first port of call for the information around them to arrive at, before the data is then processed using their own unique ‘filter’. This filter is made up of a whole conglomeration of memories, conditioning, habits, imagination, so you can well understand how one individual’s interpretation of things can be very different from another’s.

Last week we went to see our local team, Ipswich Town, play their first game of the season. Maybe it was due to where we were sitting, but we were very positive about the team’s performance and felt that they played really well. The following day we met up with a neighbour who also saw the same match, and his comments were that it was the worse he had seen them play. Now in this case, it could well be due to position of seating, but also I think that expectation plays a definite part here.

I always tell my clients about their unique ‘filter on the world’ and how it is possible to adjust this, if they are tired of seeing things in monochrome.  I liken it to one of those kaleidoscopes (I used to have hours of fun with those) where you can just turn the tube a tiny bit, and you get a totally different pattern. Once people can open up their mind to the possibility of change, and the fact that change does not have to be difficult or onerous, then the adjustment can be made with ease.

So, Clarence the lion or giant kitty? Your guess is as good as mine ….

Wendy x
 

It seems that the number of bariatric (obesity related) operations being performed is rising all the time. The NHS now has data available on these procedures, and the number of recorded weight loss procedures – and this can include gastric banding or by-passing – carried out on obese people in England rose by 70 % from just over 4,200 in 2008/09 to just over 7,200 in 2009/10. Figures, when they appear, for 2011/2012 are more than likely to show an even bigger increase.

I find this quite depressing for several reasons. Firstly, these operations are risky and pose the threat of health problems occuring in the short-term as well as the longer term. Secondly, very little thought seems to be given to the emotional reasons behind the patient’s weight gain, and unless these are addressed, then their negative behaviour may still be there once the operation has been performed. Famously, Vanessa Feltz and Anne Diamond had bariatric surgery, and neither found that it enabled them to have a sensible relationship with food or indeed lose weight in the longer term. More seriously, I have heard that, in some cases people who have had obesity surgery turn to alcohol for comfort, as this can still be ingested without risk of damaging the band.

I know that for some people they feel that only a drastic intervention is the answer, and maybe if they then follow the medical advice, the operation can literally be a life-saver for them.  But for countless others I feel that the answer lies in addressing the reasons behind that need to comfort eat, and finding positive and healthy ways that can satisfy this need. This is how hypnotherapy can be so very powerful, as it works with the sub-conscious mind in order to find out the real reasons behind over-eating and weight gain, and then (again working with the person’s sub-conscious) brings up positive, lasting solutions that can lead to a really healthy and happy relationship with food.

I have seen the evidence with my clients time and time again how well hypnosis can work, so if you are really seeking a lasting solution to a weight issue I would strongly urge you to give hypnotherapy a try.

Are you (like me) dreading the impending departure of your child to university? Do     you keep thinking that they won’t be able to look after themselves/eat healthily/drink in moderation/manage their finances? Do you worry about how they are going to find a part-time job AND study at the same time? Do you fear for their personal safety without you being there to steer them in the right direction?

I have all these fears (and more) running through my head as my eldest starts his degree in jazz piano at Birmingham Conservatoire in just 3 weeks time and have come to the conclusion that this is just fairly normal thinking for a mum.

What I have resolved to do, however, is really soak up the essence of him in these last few weeks. Like any 18 year old he is self-obsessed, fairly lazy, inconsiderate and abominably untidy, so I have pointed out to myself that these are things that I will not miss. His redeeming features, however, which include his wit, dry sense of humour, alarming musical talent and his creativity I am noticing and storing in a little memory bank for those days when the house seems unnaturally quiet. Most evenings, my husband and I sit in our kitchen and it feels like we are in the basement of a jazz club, which I have to realise now has really been quite wonderful, but we have not appreciated it fully.

And I know that deep down I don’t have to worry really – he is ready for this, and is so excited about going away and being able to focus on his passion for jazz piano, the course that he is doing is the one that he wanted, and everything is as it should be.
All I have to do is let him go.

I will miss him though …..

Yesterday I spent my 50th birthday paddling in the sea and walking along Aldeburgh beach. It was lovely, the weather was perfect and I had Mr Chalk with me. So it couldn’t have been better really.

I have been reflecting on what this number means to me. Many people see one’s 50th as a milestone and in some ways it is. For me, it does seem to bring in a new era, with the eldest son going off to university, the younger one starting sixth form and my practice growing and evolving at the same time. I am very fortunate that I seem to have reached a time of stability in my life, financially and careerwise, as well as being able to enjoy more time with Mr Chalk, and without the children in tow (not that I don’t love them both to bits).

I have always felt that age should not be a limiting factor, and this is a very firm belief.

Mr Chalk and I decided to go the pictures on my birthday, and we went to see a film called ‘Ping Pong’ at the marvellous Aldeburgh cinema. The film was a documentary about world championship table tennis for the over 80s (yes really!!), and was awe-inspiring. It centred on 6 characters, the eldest of which was a wonderful Australian lady of 100 years of age who was an absolute demon table-tennis player, travelling all over the world to championships, and enjoying every moment. Another chap, Terry, from the UK, had suffered cancer three times, as well as being asthmatic, but did not let these things interfere with his competitive spirit.

After the film, we were lucky enough to have an audience with its director, Hugh Hartford, and he brought our attention to the mind/body link. It seemed that, in spite of these wonderful characters’ great ages and all the associated problems, their minds were able to focus solely on the game and this seemed to allow physical limitations to be forgotten. I noticed that there was almost a meditative quality, once play had begun, and it was clear that this simple well-loved game could have the most amazing therapeutic benefits. Mr Hartford confirmed that, since the film’s release, he had heard of a number of nursing homes installing table tennis tables for guests to use. Perhaps table tennis should be on prescription!

Anyway, the real point here is that age really is just a number, and there is no limit to what the body can achieve if the will is there. The mind is much more powerful than we think, and through using it in clever and imaginative ways, we can do things that we never thought possible.

So, maybe you might see me in 50 years time at the Senior Olympics. Better start training now…..

Wendy x

After having spent a lovely day with my dear mum and dad along with my brother, sister-in-law and their grown up children, I feel so incredibly grateful to have such a wonderful family. Many of the clients I see are not so lucky, and for all sorts of reasons, have difficult or even sometimes non-existent relationships with their families. I even meet some people who have not spoken to close family members for many years, and this strikes me as particularly sad.

Family support is really important, and I still value the support of my mum and dad, although increasingly they depend on me and my brother for practical help as they get more frail with age.

My parents are both in their 80s and still value their independence despite numerous health problems so do not like to bother us, but I think the fact that we are nearby just gives them peace of mind so they know we could come and help if needs be.

I shall be 50 in a few days time, and I realise for many that this can be quite a difficult time as people of this age may have teenagers at home, as well as having to care for elderly parents. There is sometimes that feeling that you are caught ‘between a rock and a hard place’ having to deal with the angst of teenagers as well as the increasing frailty of one’s parents.

What I find heart-warming is the lovely bond that my children have with my parents, and how after the years of my mum and dad looking after my 2 when they were little and doing all sorts of wonderful things with them, they are now able to repay them with small kindnesses, like doing shopping and little jobs around the house.

Very often in the West the elderly tend to be cast to one side, and I think that this is sad. Eastern societies by contrast venerate their elders, they really value them and treat them as VIPS, they can appreciate their wisdom and knowledge, and I think that in this way the elderly people feel loved and respected.

Families can be difficult at times, but we should treasure them.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

I am sure that many of you will miss the Olympics, now that the torch has been extinguished after all the partying of the closing ceremony. It was truly a fantastic couple of weeks in which there seemed to be such a wonderful spirit of friendliness, warmth and togetherness – a quite dramatic contrast to the scepticism and grumbling that had been a feature of the months prior to the competition.

Everything seemed to go really well, and there is little that can be criticised about the organisation of this huge event, although I am sure that some will be able to find a few holes here and there!

It tends to be the British way, doesn’t it? We can somehow never allow ourselves to feel completely positive about anything, can we? We always downplay things, whether it comes to our own achievements or the achievements of others. The idea of being positive and upbeat is so distinctly un-British, that we almost seem to feel uneasy if everything is going well. 

Very often when I see a client they will be able to describe their ‘problem’ to me in such detail, but when I ask about how they would prefer things to be they find it really difficult to come up with an answer. They have never even started to think that things could really be so much better for them, if only they could start to focus on what they REALLY want in life, instead of what they don’t want.

It is clear that to a large extent we are a problem-focused society, but I think that it is possible for us to focus more on what is going right, and that by practising this habit more and more we find that our lives are so much better, happier, more fulfilled.

Obviously, we need to be realistic as to our futures, but we have seen over the last couple of weeks some quite unbelievable achievements. So I would urge you to aim high, get a clear and vivid idea in your mind of what it is you want, and realise that you CAN achieve it.

For even more inspiration in this regard be sure to watch the Paralympics, which start on August 29th, Channel 4.

Best wishes to you all,
Wendy x

I wonder, if (like me) you were enthralled and inspired by our achievements on Saturday evening in the Olympic Stadium – it seemed to be a magical night, with gold !medals being won all over the place, and there seemed to be this wonderful close british community feeling, both there in person and at home, willing the athletes on. Particularly inspiring was Jessica Ennis, as she had previously had all sorts of bad luck, injuries and misfortunes, but had come back and been so determined to win that gold in the heptathlon. She didn’t even need to win the final race, but the enormous outpouring of love and support seemed to give her wings almost!

I am no sportsperson, but I have really been inspired by these Olympics and the strength of body (and probably more importantly of mind!) of the members of Team GB, and I think that you can take that inspiration into other areas, not just sport.

Very often we can feel that something seems to be unachievable, and we find that our minds become closed to trying to find new ways, new options which will allow us to reach our goals. 

Through my studies of hypnotherapy and NLP and also having had the fantastic privilege of being able to help change the lives of many of my clients, I have seen that it IS possible to reach those challenges.

Through working together to develop positive, realistic goals and by helping the client to deal with whatever limiting beliefs he or she may have, there seems to be a new energy and drive which allows significant progress and then ultimate achievement of that longed for aim, whether this be reaching a healthy weight, feeling confident in the workplace or even perhaps having a good happy relationship with a partner.

If you want to get off those starting blocks and find out how hypnotherapy can help you, do contact me on 01449 780352 or email wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

I found Channel 4’s programmes last week on mental health absolutely fascinating.  It is encouraging that the stigma of mental illness is at last starting to be chipped away at after years of being swept under the carpet, and that we can start to realise that people who have suffered a mental illness can recover, and function really well (often performing better and more creatively than those who have never experienced mental ill health) in society.

In Ruby Wax’s programme at the beginning of the week, she disclosed details about her mental illness, and how she had received treatment at the Priory. She then went on to study psychotherapy, and also a relatively new therapy – mindful cognitive behavioural therapy – which she has found a massive help to her. It was discovered that she had had quite a dysfunctional childhood and this may have partly been the cause of her breakdown in later life.  She now seems to have found peace of mind, and has the support of a loving family. Ruby was keen to help three people ‘come out’ to their colleagues about their mental health issues, and it was very moving to see the reactions of their peers, when they told them about their their illness. Most striking was how empathetic and supportive they were, and the admiration and respect they felt for their  colleague was palpable. 

If we have a physical injury, we do not feel that we have to ‘hide’ it from others, so why do we need to do this with a mental problem? My belief is that mental illness is much more complex and less understood than physical disorders, and also it is very much bound up with our identity, who we are as a person.  By showing ourselves in our true colours, we risk losing that sense of identity, that persona that we want others to see.

However, I think that it is important to be aware that we are made up of different parts, and this multi-dimensionality is what makes us unique. We can be extremely gifted and confident in certain areas, but at the same time can feel distinctly fallible in others. I am not ashamed to say that I have suffered with depression myself at certain times of my life, but it is my belief that this has shaped the person that I am, and I am also much better suited to help others who are suffering from mental illness.

By being open and honest about mental illness, we can really start to break down the taboo that it has had for so long, and – more importantly – give support and encouragement to those who suffer from it.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

An article I was reading this week talked about two new scientific discoveries which could delay or even reverse the menopause.  The first technique involves taking tissue from a woman’s ovaries pre-menopause and then freezing it, followed by implantation at a later stage.  The second technique uses the woman’s stem cells in order to produce revitalised ovarian cells, thus potentially ‘growing’ new ovaries.

For women who are unable to conceive due to an early menopause, these advances offer significant hope of being able to have a baby.  It would also be true to say that many women would welcome not having to endure the side-effects of the menopause, which include mood swings, flagging libido, weight gain, hot flushes and loss of bone density (to name a few!)

As someone who has not yet had to cope with menopausal symptoms, but is rapidly nearing that time, I am not sure that I would want those extra years of so-called youthfulness.  I speak from the privileged position of having a completed family, and therefore there are no more yearnings for children, and I do realise that it may be different for women who have not been so lucky.  I also understand that some women have to endure the most awful menopause, and for them, foregoing this time in their life would probably be no loss to them.

However, I do think that the menopause marks a stage in a woman’s life where she can start to feel much freer, perhaps having packed the last child off to college, maybe considering a new career or hobby, she is able to actively do those things that she wants to do at long last.  Some women report to feeling a surge of energy post-menopause and can really start to look after themselves and devote time to enjoying this period of their lives.  No longer defined by their womanhood, they can become the person they want to be.

For some I do realise that this time of life can seem daunting and scary, particularly if they were very involved with their families and children.  Without this definition of womanhood, they suddenly feel that their bodies, minds and spirits are literally quite empty and so the future is a frightening place.

I feel, however, that this time in a woman’s life, can be a real opportunity to change and develop.  Throughout life we go through different phases, and by giving positive thought to this particular stage, in particular really looking after one’s health through good nutrition and exercise, listening to what our bodies are telling us, and also starting to plan the life that we want, we can really use this time to our advantage.

Hypnotherapy is excellent at helping to deal with menopausal symptoms, and also helps us to connect with our subconscious in order to discover that sense of peace and contentment which we are all seeking.

Medical science is a wonderful thing, but maybe sometimes we need to let nature take its course.

All the best,
Wendy

A number of my clients come to me asking for help with OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder).  This can be an extremely disabling, anxiety-based condition which can totally dominate the person’s life.  It can present as a number of different symptoms and rituals, including:

hoarding, saving and collecting things
an obsession with symmetry
repetition
counting
fear of contamination
cleaning and washing
compulsive tidying/ordering
checking
repeating
touching

It is important to realise that many of us have our little quirks and rituals/ways that we do things, and this is perfectly fine, but it is when the rituals and obsessions totally dominate our life, and make it difficult for us to function that there is a problem.

Hypnotherapy can help the client to start to recognise the OCD as meaningless thoughts/feelings which can be ignored.  Gradually, confidence is built once the client finds that he is the one who is in control, and the OCD (just like a bully who soon gets fed up when he does not get the response he is looking for)will start to dissolve away.

The client then experiences that wonderful feeling of strength and freedom, when they realise that they are able to live their lives fully again.

Do contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or you can email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk, if you would like to find out more about how hypnotherapy can help you to overcome OCD and indeed many other anxiety-based conditions.

Best wishes,
Wendy