This is the time of year we start thinking about baring bodies, and even if you have no plans to don a bikini for your summer holiday, it is nice to lose a few pounds in order to look and feel better for the summer.

If you are in this situation, my advice is DO NOT DIET.  By restricting yourself to certain foods, and severely limiting your calorie-intake, you will only feel very deprived, and be much more likely to crave certain foods, and so in those weak moments, a binge is more than likely to happen.  Dieting also tends to slow down the metabolism, so calories are burned at a much slower rate, and you also end up feeling sluggish and lacking in energy.

I know that you may have heard it all before, but eating sensibly (still having treats occasionally) and exercising is the only way to achieve a healthy weight, as you are far more likely to sustain this type of lifestyle in the longer term.

The other thing that I would advise is only weigh yourself once every week or two weeks.  If you are constantly weighing yourself, you are only setting yourself up for failure, as it may be that on some times your weight may either stay the same or even increase.  This can be very demoralising and you can easily then just give up.

Also, it is important to reduce stress as much as possible – stress can not only make us eat more, but also affects the adrenal glands, which when overworked, can lead to weight gain.   

If you cannot reduce stress levels – find fun ways that you can counteract it.  Do stuff that you know a)makes you laugh b)makes you forget about everything else or c)gets you moving.   Great if you can combine all three!

Give yourself regular treats – these could be a spa treatment, getting together with a friend for lunch or coffee, buying yourself some flowers. 

Visualise yourself in that pair of jeans that you havn’t been able to get into, or that dress that is a bit too tight.  Make the visualisation really detailed, imagine who you are going to bump into, all the comments that you will get, how you will feel.

It looks like we are going to have a great summer, so if you need some help with losing weight, and would like to find out how hypnotherapy can help you, please do not hesitate to contact me on 01449 780352, or 0781 7158429, or send an email to wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

Have a great summer!

Apologies for those of you who follow my blog that I have not posted for the last couple of weeks.  Let me assure you that I am alive and well, just incredibly busy with different projects at the moment!

A good friend of ours who we met up with recently spoke about how, when he needed to have access to a certain resource, would (in his imagination) put on a particular hat and I have been thinking what an excellent idea this is.    There is no limit to your imagination as to how silly or indeed how sensible the hat could be (wonder what resource Prince Beatrice wanted to summon up with her Philip Treacy hat that she wore to the royal wedding?!!)  When I need to be especially assertive or forceful, I tend to put on a ‘Hyacinth Bucket’ hat, so people know that I mean business.  Sometimes, when I am just a bit vulnerable – yes us therapists are human too – and need to have added protection, I put on a crash helmet with full visor.  Try this yourself, and by letting your imagination run riot, you will soon find that you have a ‘hat’ for all occasions.

As principally a hypnotherapist, but also partner in a marketing business, wife, mum and daughter, I find that I have been having to change hats quite frequently, and this is fine, as long as you make sure that you have time to take all the hats off occasionally and just be you.  Or at least make sure that the one you sometimes wear is a comfortable floppy sun hat, that, as soon as you have it on, tells you to lie in the garden and do nothing, except read a book and listen to music and watch the birds.

My ‘mum’ hat is often in use at the moment (not quite sure what that looks like, perhaps comfortable, practical, knitted number that holds sausage rolls in its brim?) as I have been making sure that the boys are sufficiently prepared for their AS levels and GCSEs.   This means stocking up on healthy and not so healthy food, making sure that they get plenty of rest and have all they need for each exam.   Its a difficult time of year for many, and it does continue to irk me that there is still insistence from some quarters that students do not work nearly as hard as they used to and that standards have dropped.  When I look at the work that my boys are doing and the hours of revision they are putting in, I know that this is definitely not the case.   It is quite obvious that things are very different now, with the internet to help, but this does not necessarily mean that students work less hard. 

If you are putting in the hours studying for exams, or helping your children through this quite stressful time and perhaps need a bit of advice on ways to reduce exam anxiety, then please contact me, and I will be able to advise how hypnotherapy can help.   I can be contacted on 01449 780352 or 0871 715 8429, or email me at wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

In the meantime, can I suggest my special ‘brain booster’ hat, which sends out signals to help you stay calm, but perfectly focussed at the same time. 

Many of you will no doubt be tired of the endless amount of royal wedding fever being spread these past few weeks, but I for one am looking forward to sitting down on Friday and watching the ceremony with my mum and dad (Mr Chalk being away in Brussels on business on that day).   I am going to cook them a nice lunch, with champagne to toast the happy couple.

Whilst I am in no way a royalist and I do think that much of the extravagance of the Royal Family is unjustified, I am a firm supporter of Prince William and I think he strives to live as normal a life as possible and so I really hope that his marriage to Kate is a long and very happy one.   I may not have reason to be so optimistic, if one looks at his family’s track record, but I sincerely believe that he will be the one to ‘buck the trend’ and really work hard to make the union work.   His caution before committing himself to marriage displays a very practical, pragmatic approach, which (although it may not be earth-shatteringly romantic) would lead me to think that he has made absolutely sure that Kate is the ‘one’.

It is a sad fact that in today’s society marriage breakdown is very common and this can have devastating psychological and emotional effects on the couple, but particularly on any children involved.  I believe that as couples we all go through times where we want to strangle our partners, but also times when we know we could not live without them.

There is no recipe for making sure that a partnership stays the distance, but I have put together a few pointers which I believe are important for preserving longevity in a relationship. 

Choose your partner wisely
Yes, it is important that you fancy them, but it is not THE most important thing.  Above all, make sure that you share the same basic values, talk about what you want out of life, whether you both want to have children (yes, some people don’t talk about this until they are married), where you want to live, what careers you want etc.  I am not saying draft a ‘pre-nup’ agreement, but get these basics agreed upon, and you will find things much easier in the long run.

Laugh at the same things
I can honestly say that this is one of the most important things within a relationship, and it has been what has kept me and Mr Chalk going through some difficult times – I remember when we were going through IVF treatment, I never laughed so much in all my life (particularly when they handed us the ‘pot’ for sperm collection, which was roughly the size of a small thimble!)  Being able to look at the funny side is vitally important, as every couple will have their low times.  

Always be considerate
It is the little things that you do for each other that really matter, not great big romantic gestures, like putting a little message in the places where only they go, to tell you that you are thinking of them or, when they have just got home from a really bad day, sitting down with them and letting them ‘dump’ all their angst on you, instead of giving your attention to the numerous other things that might demand your attention.   I always remember coming home from a week long course in France to a wonderful home-made banner that Mr Chalk had made with the boys, welcoming me back.  It is things like this that really do provide the cement to a relationship and go to make sure that you do not take one another for granted.

Have arguments
OK, this does not mean going at it hammer and tongs day and night, but I believe that it is important to assert differences of opinion, rather than always giving in, for a peaceful life.   And, make sure that you actually listen to each other.   It is only by doing this, that the relationship remains on an equal footing, with both sides being heard.

Let the other partner have their own interests, separate from yours
It is important to allow your loved one to explore what interests them, even if this holds no appeal for you.   Mr Chalk likes going to Santa Pod to watch the drag racing, but I can honestly say that I would rather have root canal work done, so he generally goes with the boys or friends.   On the other hand, I am happy to watch hours of Coronation Street episodes, which I tend to do on my own, as others in the family visibly wince when they hear the theme tune.

Make time to do stuff together
Very often, due to work, children, other commitments, we have no time left for our partners, except for doing the mundane, domestic stuff that has to be done.   Making sure that you find the time to plan little outings, walks, going to the pictures etc. is really important to retain that sense of closeness within a relationship.

Share the domestic tasks
This is not rocket science and it is the 21st century now, so make sure that domestic jobs are shared out, and it does not all fall into one person’s lap.   You will each have things that you are better at, so work to your strengths, but above all make sure that chores are divided evenly, so one of you is not totally stressed out with having to do everything.

Have regular money meetings
Do not let money issues mount up – make sure that you keep within your budget and are sensible about spending.  Often, it is when things are left that the money problems can start to fester.

Acknowledge that there will be ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ but remember what first attracted you to each other
Everybody encounters some stress in their life, and with couples it is often those first years, when children are small and money is tight that tend to be really difficult.  Knowing the value of staying together and sharing family life, through all its challenges is really important.  Nurture each others hopes and dreams and you will make sure that the partnership remains strong whatever happens.

Wishing Will and Kate all the very best this Friday. 

As Mr Chalk will tell you, I have a bit of a thing about holidays – I love them, everything about them, but this doesn’t only mean the actual taking of the holiday, but also, for me, the organising part.  Heaven for me is a day with loads of brochures and travel guides, good internet connection and a credit card at hand.   In fact, this part is actually almost as nice as going on the holiday, as, having a very strong imagination, I can start to visualise myself lying on the beach, with cocktail in hand or exploring some temple or other, the ‘real’ world very firmly left behind. 

Since having the boys we have had some brilliant holidays – when they were little, we used to go every year to Southwold (I believe Libby Purves once described this wonderful little seaside town as ‘prozac by the sea’) and spent happy days on the beach and playing the machines on the pier.  Once they were older, we ventured a bit further afield and took ourselves off to France, trying out various different ‘Eurocamps’, particularly those with good waterslides – this was always a very important criteria.  We travelled many miles in Vera the Volvo, and I remember preparing little packs of things for the boys to do, and having to regularly ‘muck them out’ after each stage of the journey.  Happy days.

We then became even more ambitious and had a few long-haul trips, including
Sri Lanka, Cuba and Thailand – these were truly fabulous holidays, and ones that we will all remember.

I would like to think that my love of travel has been passed to my boys.   When I was little, we never failed to have a family holiday every year and this would be to the Isle of Wight, Dorset or perhaps Devon.   We had an old morris traveller, and very often it would break down en route, I remember my dad used to write down the names of all the towns we had to go through – nowhere was bypassed then, and there were very few motorways.  I just remember getting so excited the night before we went on holiday, that feeling of anticipation of exploring somewhere different, meeting new people was magical to me.

I have just booked our summer holiday for this year, but it feels really strange, because it will just be the two of us, as the boys have said they are happy to stay at home this year.  This is quite scary – not least because I worry what state our house will be in when I get back home – but also as it would seem to indicate that our family is evolving, and our boys are not so dependent any more, getting ready to ‘leave the nest’.   This is also reinforced by the fact that we are currently going to university open days with our eldest, as in 18 months time, he will be leaving school to go to music college.

I see a number of clients with ’empty nest syndrome’ and I can really understand how  that feeling of no longer being needed can be quite unsettling.   Whilst, for me, I know that it is important that I really enjoy the time I have now with my boys, as in a short while they will most probably be leaving home.

For my clients in this situation, I advise them to start to think about those things that you would like to be doing, when you will have all this extra time – this can range from study, learning new hobbies, travel (definitely on my agenda), volunteering etc.   Above all, try to do something which will give you real satisfaction, and in some way replace that feeling of ‘being needed’, but also something not too demanding of your time and energy.

If you are planning a new chapter in your life, or if your life is changing and some of that change seems frightening or bewildering, I can help you to have the confidence to see this through.   Contact me on 0781 715 8429 or 01449 780352, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.     

I think that I have told you about my mum and dad, and what an inspiration they are to me (see previous blog: cheese toasties).  They are fiercely independent and hate to be a bother, so it was surprising and slightly alarming last week, when I had a phone call from my mum who was at the local health centre to say that my dad had cut his arm really badly whilst gardening, and he needed to be taken to A&E.  I reassured mum that it was no problem and that I would be along in 10 minutes, so I picked him up and after nipping back home to change his shirt (it really did look like he had been in a nasty fight), we set off for Bury St Edmunds A&E.  

We were seen almost immediately by a nurse, who examined the cut, and felt that it may need to be x-rayed, so could we wait for a doctor to come and look at it.

We were so lucky that day that Dr Claude Newbury was on duty, as he kept us fully entertained while stitching up dad’s cut, and also attending to a cut on his ear (don’t ask!)   At 75 years young, the South African Claude immediately developed a rapport with my dad (10 years his senior) and by the end of the consultation they were singing and laughing together like old friends.  Claude had such a dry sense of humour that he did literally have both of us in stitches (sorry, had to get that one in!)  He reminded me of a cross between Victor Borg and Peter Ustinov, so (those of you who are old enough) will acknowledge the sort of chap he was.   Dad was really disappointed that he wasn’t going to be able to come back to get Claude to take the stitches out, as it turned out that this could be done at the local health centre, as he had enjoyed his humour so much.

Being able to make people laugh is truly a gift and there have been studies carried out that prove that laughter produces endorphins, which in turn counter stress and pain.  I’m convinced that Claude is an enormous asset to Bury hospital for this reason, and I am sure that his funny and easy-going personality had something to do with the fact that he has an important role to perform – he still feels extremely useful, rather than being ‘put out to pasture’ as it were.    Of course, many people of that age would feel no need or desire to continue working, but for those who do, it is important that the option is there.

Coming back to laughter – my husband does a bit of stand-up and he has told me that there is no greater feeling than making people literally cry with laughter – seeing them in almost physical pain is his goal!   And obviously we all love a good laugh, that feeling that brings tears down your face is such an excellent release valve, that maybe people like Claude should actually be prescribed on the NHS!

Thank you Claude, for looking after my dad and making him laugh.

I am the proud new owner of a kindle – this was a surprise mother’s day present, although I’m sure that my husband had more to do with it than my teenage sons, who did, however, grudgingly agree to ‘dob’ some money towards it.  Sadly, gone are the days when I get lovingly hand-made cards or gifts with lots of glitter and grubby finger marks on them, and my husband had to remind the grunty ones that it was actually mothers day on Sunday, otherwise they probably wouldn’t have noticed.  Love them really.

Anyway, back to the kindle – as a confirmed non-techie person – I wasn’t really sure whether I could get used to reading a book from what is to all intents and purposes a mini-computer, but I have to say that it is surprisingly addictive and over the weekend I managed to download and read 3 books.  It is so easy to use – even for me, and the very idea of having access to all these books (and magazines & newspapers) is really quite wonderful.  However, I do have to keep reminding myself that I still have to pay for the books downloaded, even though they are considerably cheaper.

I am always keen to read the latest on the dieting industry/obesity crisis, as it is a subject that concerns me, and when flicking through the book list on my kindle, I came across
a title ‘Why we get fat and what to do about it’.  Intrigued, I read the sample (you can do that with a kindle) and then downloaded the book in its entirety, and I have been glued to it ever since.  

The book, by the american science journalist, Gary Taubes (the author of Good Calories, Bad Calories 2007) makes for fascinating reading.  Basically, the main premise of the book is that conventional dietary guidelines which advise people that the only way to lose weight is to cut calories and exercise more is flawed.  And it would seem that, with more people than ever going on diets, but actually ending up fatter, that Taubes could be right.  His findings suggest that people should virtually eliminate carbohydrates from their diet and we all know that this is not a new idea, but it is the detail of his research which seems to make this a much more serious and thought-provoking piece of work. 

Taubes argues that pre-WWII scientists actually got it right, and since then the scientific community have been, quite spectacularly, getting it wrong.   The main message is that we get fat beause our fat cells have become disturbed by hormonal imbalance and they are taking nutrients that should be available to other tissues.  The fat cells live for themselves rather than in balance with the rest of the body and because those nutrients are not available, we become hungry and lethargic.  So we tend to eat more, and move less.  It is a vicious cycle, perpetuated by continuing with low-calorie diets.

The problem is not one of people eating too much, but of hormone balance and it would seem that some people are more sensitive to the hormone effects of insulin and cortisol (the stress hormone).   The more sensitive you are, the more you are likely to put on weight, and if you continue to follow a carb-filled diet (even if this is low calorie) you will make the problem even worse.

Taubes also argues that exercise is not the answer to weight loss – he admits that it is good for health benefits generally – but will not make you lose weight.   This is another edict that seems to go entirely against the grain of accepted wisdom. 

It has really made me think about the whole weight loss issue, and I really believe that Taubes has a point.  It does seem that for decades we have been emphasising calorie-reduction and exercise as the cornerstones of weight loss, but with the result that we have far more millions of people overweight and obese.   Many of the clients who come to see me for weight loss therapy tell me that they spend their lives dieting, but end up hungry and miserable, and certainly no slimmer.

Carb-dense foods are also a staple in our Western diet – even if we have a fairly healthy diet, there is usually a high proportion of pasta, bread and potatoes.  For those who live on junk foods, these are usually loaded with carbs and sugar as well as fat.

I believe that the medical profession and governments should all take note of this book.  At a time when we are offering gastric bands to obese youngsters, and it is predicted that we are all getting fatter, then perhaps we need a radical shift in the message that we put over to people. 

My belief has always been that we get fat because we eat too much and exercise too little, but I have really had my eyes open to the fact that it is not quite as simple as this, and actually what we have been doing – with the intention of trying to get slim – has in fact been making us all fatter.

Perhaps you have read the book yourself, and have some of your own ideas about it – I would welcome your comments, you can email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

In last night’s ‘One Born Every Minute’ on Channel 4, the wonderful ‘fly-on-the-wall’ series set in Princess Anne Maternity Hospital, Southampton, there were a couple – Caroline and Chris Pike – who had tried for a family through IVF many times but without success.   Finally, they found themselves pregnant with triplets, but one of their babies was much smaller than the others, and so the couple were advised to deliver at seven months.   A planned caesarean turned into an emergency procedure as the little one was becoming distressed, and unfortunately for Chris, he did not quite make it in time to see the 3 boys being born. 

I have to say that I found the whole programme incredibly moving – the couple were so looking forward to being a family, and they had made all the preparations.  It was such a pity that little William had to stay in the neo-natal unit for 5 months, after Chris and Caroline had taken the other 2 boys home.  

I could share in the angst of this couple as myself and my husband went through IVF treatment ourselves and I can understand Caroline when she was describing how she felt at the thought of being childless.   It is quite the most unbearable level of stress as initially there is the thought of never being able to have a family, whilst continually reminded that for other people it seems to be effortless.  I remember being quite ashamed of myself for feeling utter resentment of when I saw what I judged to be ‘unsuitable’ prospective parents – how dare they have children so easily, when I, much better qualified to be a mother, was destined to be childless?

Then there is the endless round of treatment, which is quite hideous in itself, involving regular deep muscle injections, vaginal scans, egg retrieval (not knowing if eggs are healthy or viable) and then re-implantation of embryos (if you made it to that stage). 

Then the waiting.

I think, for me, this was the worst part, as every little sign seems to be an indication that you are not pregnant.   We were, in actual fact, extremely lucky as I fell pregnant with twins on my first round of IVF, unfortunately one of the twins died fairly early on in the pregnancy.   After 37 very anxious months, we had Oliver, who is now 17 and, it must be said, thriving.   To our surprise, Joe came along 2 years later, quite naturally.    And I realise that we have indeed been blessed.

Anybody who has not suffered the pain of infertility cannot possibly understand the trauma that this brings to many couples.  This is why I believe that IVF treatment should be accompanied by relaxation/meditation classes, in order to help the couple through the ordeal.

A survey carried out in 2004 found that women who underwent hypnosis as part of their treatment were twice as likely to conceive as those who did not and I very much believe that women who are more relaxed may be more likely to conceive as fertility depends on the womb being strong and protective, in order to receive the embryo.  I will never forget one of the doctors in the fertility clinic telling us to ‘look after the accommodation’ and this, I felt was a lovely way of expressing it, as I could then imagine my womb as a homely, warm and cosy nest, for my baby to grow in.   This was a very strong visualisation that I carried with me throughout the pregnancy.   I was also very fortunate in that we could afford for me to give up work at the time, so I could just relax and look after myself.   I am sure that this all helped our chances of conception and ultimately a healthy baby. 

If you are considering going through IVF, and would like to explore how hypnotherapy could help you deal with the stress of this treatment, I would be happy to talk to you.  Please contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429 or alternatively, email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

All the best little William Pike.

I am dismayed to read that spending on gastric bands in Suffolk has soared in the last 3 years and last year was nearly £500,000.   I know that the medical profession is insistent that this is potentially the only ‘life-saving’ solution in certain cases, but in my view an operation which is so expensive and carries grave and disturbing risks, such as deep vein thrombosis, blood clots, blockage of the stomach outlet, infection, bleeding and in a few cases, death, should be performed very rarely.    However, it now seems that, in certain cases, people are deliberately putting on weight in order to reach the BMI needed to have a gastric band fitted.  This is a quite ludicrous, not to say dangerous situation, when there are other alternatives.

I will not deny that the obesity problem needs to be adressed – we are rapidly heading into a crisis situation, with many youngsters now being classed as overweight and obese.  What really concerns me is that some children are now being considered for gastric banding, and so this potentially deadly surgery is being performed on youngsters whose problems have been caused by negligent parents.

When clients come to me with weight issues, I explain that it is really quite simple – being overweight is the result of eating too much and exercising too little, very rarely is obesity caused by a purely medical condition.

Of course the real problem is that, usually, the client has been using food for emotional comfort and not simply as a source of sustenance.

Hypnotherapy and NLP can help the client to get to the root problem as to why they are overeating, and can also develop and reinforce better lifestyle habits, such as regular exercise and eating smaller and healthier food portions.   No food is out of bounds, but there is a natural tendency to be drawn towards healthy, nutritious food, as the client discovers how much better he feels by cutting out the junk.

I am ever hopeful that the NHS and the medical profession will one day start to consider this type of treatment as much safer, more practical, cheaper and in the long-term more successful at helping people to develop better, healthier lifestyles, rather than resorting to this, expensive, dangerous surgery.

If you have a weight issue, and you would like to discuss hypnotherapy treatment for this, please do not hesitate to contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429 or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

This morning I had breakfast with Dr Who and Rocky Balboa.  The Dr had his usual fare of crunchy nut clusters, filled to the brim and Rocky had chocolate spread on toast (more chocolate spread than toast).  There were the usual grunty comments, demands for money, school letters etc. before I pushed them out of the door to the bus stop.

Even though my boys are now a few inches taller than me and have deep voices, I am still really glad that they like dressing up in character.   When they were little this was an endless source of amusement and we had many themed parties, where guests were asked to dress up.  And it still seems that any excuse for fancy dress (like Red Nose Day) prompts them to get creative, in spite of teenage reserve and angst, and just go for it. 

So today we had the ‘new’ Dr Who complete with bow tie, tweed jacket and sonic screwdriver and Rocky Balboa in stripy shorts and white robe, with a nice mauve eye.
We live in a country village, so these two must have looked quite a sight walking to where the bus stops near the church.

I often have clients who come to me wishing that they could be more confident, articulate, assertive etc. etc. but they feel that this is not ‘them’ – they have never been like ‘that sort of person’ and they never will be.   My response to this is to suggest that they actually imagine how it really feels to be that person that they want to be, use their creativity, and work out in detail what that person would do and say, how they would behave.   In NLP this is called ‘modelling’ and its basic premise is that by literally acting ‘as if’ you are a person whose qualities you would like to have, you CAN assume those qualities for yourself.   It does take practice, but the more you ‘act out’ a certain role, the more you become that person.   So, for example, if there is a particular individual who you admire, be this a celebrity or somebody you know and respect, really notice how they behave, their traits, their mannerisms (obviously without resulting to stalking them!) and by doing this, you can have those qualities yourself.   The more you practice, the more they will become part of you.

Writing this blog, there’s a song that keeps coming into my mind ‘Be what you want to be’ – I think that its by ‘The Mamas and the Papas’ – and by practicing this NLP technique, you can literally be the person that you know you really want to be.  The only limit is your imagination.

For further advice on how to fulfil your potential, please contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.

I’m not promising time travel (although in a strange sort of way hypnotherapy can transport you back through time) or a world champion boxing title, but what you will discover is that you are free to be whatever and whoever you want.

Last week I wrote about the likely future increase of male depression, due in part to the ‘mancession’ with the economy claiming many mens’ jobs, and consequently their roles and identities within their family and the wider society.

Whilst it would be wrong to generalise, it seems to me that female depression tends to have as it source the need to ‘do everything, and do it perfectly’.   So, typically, this would involve working full time, caring for children/elderly parents, doing the housework, whilst at the same time keeping a size 10 figure.   Many of the women I see claim to be feeling absolutely exhausted, depressed and stressed out, and is it any wonder? 

A new book recently published ‘Dutch Women Don’t Get Depressed’ reveals that Dutch women seem to have found a much better work/life balance, compared to their European sisters.  The main reason for this seems to be that the majority of them (68%) work part-time.   They consequently earn much less, but their quality of life appears to be that much more fulfilling as they have time to care for family, study, read and see friends.   And it is not just women with young families who are in this category, but also childless women in their 20s and 30s.   They do no seem to place as much importance in material possessions, but instead value their free time much more.  Often, this kind of set up involves depending more on their partners for finance, but they would deny that this is old-fashioned and in fact claim that it makes for much less stress within the relationship.  To them, this financial dependance does not make them less of a person in their own right, and they assert that they enjoy modern, well-balanced relationships.   The very low Dutch divorce rate would seem to bear this out.

Kirsty Young bemoaned the fact recently that people (both male and female) are often defined by the jobs that they do.   Dutch women would seem to refute this, claiming that women can lead fulfilling and interesting lives that do not just consist of work.   Even highly educated Dutch women would not regard their career as the most important thing in their lives, but instead are spending time on developing ‘themselves’ – perhaps devoting time to learning new skills, or spending it with family and friends. 

Whilst I fully realise that working part-time is not a luxury that all of us can afford, I often advise people to really look at their work/life balance, and see if there are ways that they could manage to cut down some of their outgoings in order to be able to work less.  Having more time to spend on the things that really matter is worth so much more – I believe – than having a bit more cash to spend.

If you are feeling that your life lacks balance and would like some help, do contact me on 01449 780352 or 0781 7158429, or email me on wendy@wendychalk.co.uk.