I don’t know about you but this lockdown has had the effect of enabling me to discover things about myself that I wasn’t previously aware of. It somehow seems to have put life in slow motion – although I know that this will not be the reality for some – so that we are perhaps able to be a little bit more mindful of ourselves and others.

Sometimes I find myself rushing to do something, then actually saying to myself ‘why am I doing this? I have all the time in the world!’ So then I am taking each day at a slower pace and it feels quite good. It’s almost like going back to the 1960s when I was a little girl and I remember time standing still, hours and hours of time stretching in front of us, often quite boring but also restful too.

In this strange time we can notice so much more of our lives, our habits and routines, without the constant busyness of normal. We can then find ways to gently adjust the things that are not working for us, we can use the time as a way of changing certain behaviours if they no longer seem to be working for us. In ‘normal life’ we are so bound to our diaries, so many things happening, stuff to do, that we sometimes have a tendency to go onto autopilot. Now that most of us have the luxury of more time on our hands, we are able to be a bit more aware and mindful of our immediate surroundings. This has a calming effect, I find.

I do realise that I am extremely fortunate in my own circumstances. Although it has been an adjustment having my son and his girlfriend with us, I am lucky that I now have my own outdoor office back (Mr Chalk having gone back to work- yay!!!) Being without that space for the last couple of months was very hard, so it is all the more sweet to be back in my own little sanctuary. Although I can’t see clients there at the moment I have been doing a lot of writing as well as sewing, knitting and reading. It is a beautiful space to escape to.

I am looking forward to seeing clients again, however. Do email me or phone me if you would like to find out more about how I could help you in the future.

stay safe and mindful everyone xx

We continue to be a nation in lockdown although there are some signs that restrictions are going to begin to be eased in the next few weeks.

As I have commented previously the subjective experience of this strange time has been uniquely different. Many of us have had enough of not being able to be with loved ones, or conversely have had their fill of them and can’t wait to get the house back again. Tired parents, weary of home schooling as well as trying to do a bit of work in a madhouse have a new found respect for teachers. And of course we cannot ignore the wonderful people on the frontline, brave souls, quite possibly traumatised, exhausted and longing to be at home with nothing to do.

There are some people, however, who are quite happy to remain in lockdown as it is a calmer, simpler and more comforting existence than their hitherto stressful life. Perhaps they enjoy being able to spend time with their children and partner, they may be furloughed so have time to do those jobs that needed to be done or they may enjoy the slower way of life.

My own personal experience has been a mix of both. With grown up son and girlfriend at home there has been a youthful buzz about the house, lots of music (much of it pleasant) and an access to different opinions, ideas and viewpoints. I have loved cooking a bit more creatively in order to accommodate everyone. However, after six weeks of ‘studenty’ living, I am just about ready to have my house back to myself. I also miss my work massively and I am really looking forward to seeing clients again. Although it is going to be difficult to extricate Mr Chalk from my practice room. He seems to have put down roots in there!

We can all learn so much more about ourselves from this time, from how we are able to be so much more adaptable than we think we can be to identifying which parts of the lockdown we have enjoyed and thinking of ways that we can incorporate these in our daily lives when things get back to normal again.

As we emerge slowly into the light once again, we can think about how we can live our lives in a richer, more satisfying way and take what has been good from this experience.

Best wishes to you all,

Wendy x

Everybody’s experience of this terrible, weird, boring and stressful time is different. My own particular situation, as a 50 something mum with grown up adult children as house guests, is almost like a strange time shift back to 7 years ago when I had a couple of teenagers in the house. For the most part my son and his girlfriend are impeccably behaved and they are grateful for our hospitality. They arrived just before lockdown, fleeing sad London, their jobs all but disappeared. As musicians who perform regularly they cannot look forward to a rapid return to work any time soon. They are both teaching remotely but this has had its challenges. I feel for them and inviting them here was the least I could do.

Nevertheless, I have to admit that I am finding it a struggle. I now realise that I relish my own company more than anything. I am not one of those people who has to be with others all the time, in fact I am happiest having hours and whole days of solitude. I do also like my house to be quite tidy and so I am not really finding their habit of leaving cups, plates and various bits and bobs around charming in any sense. The other difficulty is the noise. At this very moment in time my son’s girlfriend is playing her own compositions on the piano. She has a gentle energy and it is not too irksome. Yesterday, however, my son was practicing some new music which sounded as though it’s intention was to cause profound discomfort to the listener. He likes discordant jazz. I do not.

I do not even have access to my lovely sanctuary/therapy room as this has been taken over by my husband who is working at home. So, I have created a little area in my bedroom and I have to say it works quite well. The living room and kitchen were hitherto places that I loved to spend time in but as they are now thoroughfares, they are not conducive to peace and quiet.

As human beings we have a wonderful ability to adapt to situations and this adaptability brings a certain resilience. I recognise that my challenges are so very trivial in the scheme of things and I have so much to be thankful for.

I should add, however, that I have ordered some noise cancelling headphones.

Stay safe and happy people,

Wendy x

We are all in this strange and scary world of lockdown, with the global pandemic covid 19 not showing any signs yet of going away. As I write this our country’s Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, is in intensive care, being treated for coronavirus symptoms.

There is, inevitably, the worry that this prolonged isolation and shutdown will have a huge impact on people’s mental health. Whilst there are some positives – a community spirit, endless acts of kindness, selfless people volunteering to be on the frontline – this is a massively stressful and worrying time for most of us.

We do not yet have a clear idea of when things will be back to normal and I think it is this uncertainty which is so unsettling for many. We seem to be stuck in a kind of purgatory which feels as if it might be our reality for a good long time to come.

There has been masses of advice and suggestions to keep healthy, mentally and physically. It’s almost overwhelming. We are instructed to have a strict routine, make sure we take our daily exercise, take advantage of all the helpful stuff on the internet, connect with people via Skype, FaceTime or zoom, learn a new skill.

This is all very helpful but my personal feeling is that we should relish this time to take things slower, to simplify our lives, to declutter and de-stress. I have caught myself enjoying the non-urgency of this life, learning to actually enjoy times where I do not have to do anything at all. As children we would experience whole swathes of time when there was very little going on. We somehow got used to being bored. We did not have to be doing something every moment of the day. As a result our minds were calmer, I am sure of it.

Therefore, I would urge you – if you are one of the many who are confined at home – relish the simplicity and calm. Stay home and stay safe, it’s all you have to do. Follow the instructions and guidance of the government and support our wonderful NHS and key workers who are doing an absolutely amazing job.

We don’t need to learn mandarin, write a novel or build a new extension. We just need to get through this, with grace and strength. And we will.

#stayathome

This time of year can often be quite difficult for many of us. We are still battling unpredictable winter weather, dark evenings and summertime seems like a lifetime away. Physically we often feel under par too with lots of coughs, colds and bugs going around (I won’t even mention the coronavirus).

Energy levels are low and it can be very difficult to manage the stress in our lives. Sometimes we even feel like hiding ourselves away from the world and going into hibernation – I know I do!

If you are feeling a bit ‘blah’ at the moment why not consider indulging in a ‘mental massage’. This is the term sometimes used to describe a deeply relaxing hypnosis session. Many of my clients report to feeling so good after a session, even people who usually find it difficult to let go and relax seem to experience a wonderful feeling of peace and calm which lasts for a very long time. After the session they often report to feeling much better able to handle the stress in their lives as well as experiencing a clearer, calmer mind.

Hypnotherapy has many more uses other than just the common ones of stopping smoking and weight loss so do contact me soon to experience a ‘mental massage’.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Wendy x

It’s been a funny old year. As I am writing this we are in the midst of election fever, having experienced so much political chaos since the beginning of 2019. Whatever your personal political beliefs are I am sure that you are hoping for a smoother, more settled ride in 2020. There has been so much uncertainty, distrust and vitriol in the past months that I really hope, as a country, we can soon experience a bit more stability. This would be good for us as individuals, families and communities too.

I would also like to think about kindness as we hurtle towards the end of the year. In many ways our society is quite inward looking and self-centered, not thinking so much of others.

Kindness and consideration of others doesn’t have to involve grand and costly gestures, it can just be about the little things we can do which make such a difference. My dear Mr Chalk is one of the kindest people I know and his friend’s wife has been very poorly of late, so he has been doing all sorts of little things to cheer him up. This includes sending him regular texts to check if he needs anything, delivering some beer and nibbles, and just generally letting him know that – at any time of day or night – he is there for him.

It’s a really good idea to consciously think how each day you can perform little acts of kindness for others. Sometimes it’s the small, quick and easy things that have the most impact. And thinking of others as well as connecting with them has a huge positive impact on your own mental health too. So it’s actually a win-win.

Sending you my very best wishes for a wonderful Christmas and a 2020 filled with kindness.

Wendy x

It is surprising that I often meet people who tell me they have everything, a great network of family and friends, health and enough money to live comfortably, yet they do not feel truly happy.

The relatively new field of positive psychology offers a different way of looking at things by drawing attention to our strengths as well as finding simple ways that we can increase wellbeing, contentment and positivity.

Traditionally focus has been on the ‘disease’ model with regard to mental health. We examine the trauma, the negative behaviour patterns, what has been going wrong. Clearly for some people the opportunity to talk about their own difficulties and anxieties gives them a tremendous sense of relief and release, a feeling that they are being listened to and supported.

But for others there is a need to move forward, finding ways that they can build resilience and wellbeing in order to live more happily in the present.

I am showing my age here but in the same way that you used to be able to tune your radio to the stations that you like, you can begin to re-tune your mind too. It could be noticing a rainbow in the Suffolk sky, relishing the taste of a delicious cake that you have just made or feeling the warmth of a stranger’s smile. Of course we cannot just erase the negatives, life happens and it has to be dealt with, but with practice I believe it is possible to develop your own ‘positivity radar’.

Taking time to give sincere thanks to others who have made a difference in your life can help too. The other day I decided to email my son’s piano teacher telling him about how his encouragement and enthusiasm has led to my son now working as a jazz pianist. It hopefully made Ken the music man feel good and it reminded me that we are often surrounded by wonderful people, so we should thank them. Try it and see how it can be an instant mood-booster.

Finding something unique to you which enables you to experience the concept of flow or sometimes referred to as ‘being in the zone’ is equally important for happiness and wellbeing. This could be cycling or crochet, it really doesn’t matter as long as you experience that feeling of being totally absorbed in the moment. It also helps if there is an element of challenge in the activity.

To experience a more long lasting happiness we need to sew a few deeper seeds too. Very often in my practice I meet people who have just retired and are aware of no longer having a role or purpose in life. Whilst volunteering is not for everyone it can help to give back a sense of purpose as well as providing a new group of friends. The importance of social interaction, particularly as we age, is well known. If not volunteering it can be helping a neighbour, looking after the grandchildren or litterpicking, whatever you can do which gives you a sense of involvement with the people and communities around you.

Best wishes everyone.

Wendy x

For more information on positive psychology see www.positivepsychology.org.uk

I have been really interested in the BBC’s series on mental health, showing us how it affects so many people and in different ways. It is so positive that this subject is at last being spoken about.

The most recent programme showed how Alistair Campbell – the former labour spin doctor – has suffered with the most crippling depression throughout his life. Despite taking anti-depressants for some 30 years as well as addressing his unhealthy lifestyle he still finds that he has days when the depression comes over him like a black cloud and he then finds that he cannot function for that day, at least.

I found it interesting how he spoke about the depression almost as a tangible thing, like a nasty grey piece of gunk that he could see from the corner of his eye. He has no control over it and knows by now that he has to give in to it. He feels that, for this reason, he still needs to stay on the anti-depressants, knowing that his symptoms would quite probably worsen without them.

It is interesting that, despite his psychiatrist trying to find out the root cause of the depression, he has memories of a happy and secure childhood. He felt that there could be a genetic link of mental ill health in his family as his brother was schizophrenic.

I have treated many people for depression over the years I have been working as a hypnotherapist. Each person is different and it is often more complex than the other issues that I encounter. The important thing is to really ‘climb into the other person’s shoes’ in order to gain an insight into what they are going through. Every treatment plan is unique for the individual and we explore ways that we can help the person feel really well again. This means not just an absence of the depression but a feeling of wellbeing, a renewed vibrancy and zest, so that they are able to live life to the full.

If you have experienced depression and would like to find out how hypnotherapy treatment can offer a new solution for recovery and mental wellness, please do get in touch.

I look forward to meeting you.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

I am heartbroken for the people in Sri Lanka and their families hit by the recent horrifying suicide attacks. We are seeing pictures of children who were on holiday, innocent young families and also Sri Lankan people worshipping on Easter Sunday having their lives instantly and violently wiped out.

As a family we have holidayed in this beautiful country several times and each time we have been touched by the kindness and gentle spirit of the Sri Lankan people. My heart goes out to them now as this atrocity will hurt them deeply. Many Columbans immediately volunteered to give blood and this gives an indication of the nature of these folk.

It seems impossible to understand what goes on in the minds of the terrorists. We hear that most of them were young people, well educated, from wealthy families and it seems completely baffling that they should commit such acts. To me, this is not an act of religious sacrifice but an indication of mental health instability which has been exploited by the terrorist organisation. It is important that we separate these acts from religious belief.

It is going to take a great deal of time for the country to heal again after this, my heart goes out to them and to all the families torn apart by this.

Wendy x

Today, 8th March, marks international women’s day and all over the world women are staging events and celebrations to highlight this signicant date.

In so many ways women have more options, opportunities, freedom of choice and equality than ever before. Women can and are achieving success in all areas now, no longer held back by the gender limitations of the past. It is also possible to enjoy a fulfilling career and have children too.

However, I sometimes wonder whether this freedom has given women too much choice, that idea that we can really have it all.

Listening to the radio this morning I heard a song called ‘I’m every woman’- I think it used to be the theme tune to Oprah. I started to think about this and wonder whether the need or perhaps desire to be ‘every woman’ has given some women far more stress than they can actually cope with. Now of course we don’t want to go back to the days of women feeling obliged to stay at home as the housewife. However, I do wonder whether the expectation for women to do it all has worked out positively in all cases.

I think we need to accept that yes, there may be some women who really thrive on a high powered career and a busy family life. Juggling those balls is their forte. But there are some of us who want to simply focus on one thing, whether that be building a successful business or being a stay at home mum, caring for a relative, doing voluntary work, being a student. Modern life is chaotic, that’s a given, sometimes women have no choice because they have to earn money to feed their children. It’s a question of economics. But I can’t help thinking that many women are just desperate for a more peaceful, simpler life.

But as women I think the important thing is to accept who we really are. We should not be swayed by society’s tendency to believe that a woman is not really worthy unless she has children, an interesting job, loads of friends and hobbies and on top of all of that has to look good too! There is so much pressure on women, particularly younger women to conform – mainly through social media – that this is leading to widespread mental health issues.

In my practice I have met some amazing, inspirational women and I am so grateful for that. Very often they will have overcome huge challenges, but do not give themselves any credit. They just ‘get on with it’ because it’s what they do.

I should also mention the incredible women who looked after my mum and dad in the last few years of their life. I owe these women so much.

You don’t have to be ‘every woman’. You can be one woman, an amazing one.

Best wishes,
Wendy x