Mr Chalk and I enjoyed a great night out this week in Cambridge seeing the wonderful David Baddiel show ‘My Family – not the sitcom’. In essence it was a very honest and open ‘celebration’ of the eccentric characters of his mum and dad.

As David is roughly the same age as me I couldn’t help but make comparisons with my own upbringing. Parenting has definitely changed since the 60s and 70s, when children were very much left to their own devices and the grown-ups followed their own interests. Helicopter parenting was not invented.

Sadly David’s dad is now suffering with dementia and his mother passed away in 2014. He was unerringly honest about how his dad’s disease (Pick’s disease, a form of dementia) has caused him to become even more like his real self, a foul-mouthed, rude and uninhibited man who he constantly has to apologise for! He was also very honest in describing his mother’s long-standing affair, whilst remaining married, with a golfer and her very open attitude to sex. David did not hold back in the often very funny anecdotes and stories he told about his parents. What was the most surprising was that his father seemed to have no clue about his mother’s affair, even though David and his brothers all knew. They were even sent emails about the affair.

He did admit to having suffered with depression, perhaps due in some part to his parents’ influence. However, what was very clear in all of the strangeness and eccentricity of his parents, they loved him and were incredibly proud of him. They also seemed as though they loved each other too, in spite of the affair.

David celebrated them as people who had had interesting and challenging lives – his mother had escaped with her family from the Nazis and his father had a successful career as a chemist with Unilever. They undoubtedly were – in the main – a happy family and this came across in David’s show.

Whatever flaws our parents have, it is important that we make our peace with them. David’s way of doing this is using comedy to tell his parents’ story in a really frank and honest way.

You may not like your parents all the time but acceptance of them with all their very human faults is the best way.

Best wishes,
Wendy xx

Mr Chalk and I are at the end part of our Thailand holiday in barmy, bustling Bangkok. We last came here 28 years ago on our honeymoon, when we felt we were stepping into an altogether ‘other’ universe. We had never encountered anything quite like the smells, noise, crowds, traffic and chaos in our lives before and it certainly left a lasting impression on us.

Since that time we have been to Thailand several times, both with and without our boys, but this time coming back to the capital city once again, since that first time in 1990.

A lot is the same : traffic, noise, smells, crowds, as well as the most stunning temples you could ever see. However, the one thing that is really different now is that everyone has a phone, and many people seem to be using their phones most of the time, certainly to take pictures. The ‘selfie’ stick (a horrible invention) ensures that each beautiful temple can have ME or US in the foreground, grinning inanely. God give me strength. We also have people taking endless pictures of their food or drink. What is that all about?!

I know that I am of a different generation but I remarked to Mr Chalk that if people were just able to put down their phones for a little while and really take in all that is around them with their senses, they would be amazed at how amazing that is. Not to just view absolutely everything through the lense of a camera phone but to just sit for a while and watch, listen, smell, FEEL.

Of all places, Bangkok is a city to use all of your senses and to just leave the phone behind for once. So, I decided, just for one day, to leave my phone back at the hotel and I can honestly say it has been liberating. I felt so free and relaxed, not pressured to look for the next photo opportunity but just to ‘be’.

I really feel if we can just unleash ourselves from the gadgetry for a certain amount of time on a regular basis, we can then discover an inner calm and peace. Even in somewhere mad like Bangkok.

Sawatdeekaa (Thai blessing)

Wendy xx

I have to say it’s been a funny old few weeks. My 90 year old mother had been behaving very strangely, exhibiting what could be called psychotic behaviour to the extent that she had to be sectioned in her care home. To watch the rapid change in her personality was incredibly upsetting especially as my dad had Alzheimer’s. Surely this could not be happening to mum too? It seemed too cruel.

Things came to a head when she had a fall then was admitted to the Norfolk and Norwich Hospital. It was found she had pneumonia and sepsis and this was the reason for the extreme confusion and bizarre behaviour. We were told that, at her age, this type of illness could take her.

Amazingly after just a few days of treatment with oxygen and antibiotics she rallied, and is now back at her care home. She is tired and still quite fragile but otherwise fine. All signs of the confusion are gone and she is back to her old self.

I never cease to wonder at the strength of the human body in the face of illness. We have it within ourselves to heal and recover, this is what we find time and again. My mum explained to me afterwards that she felt that it could have been her time – she was seeing and speaking to my dad in her confused state – but that something was telling her to hold on. She loves her family fiercely, having an interest in all her grandchildren and she felt that she wanted to be around a bit longer to enjoy them.

My mum can be difficult, cantankerous and stubborn but I have witnessed a strength and spirit in her which I find quite inspirational.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

So, I did a stupid thing today. In my little Mazda MX5 I decided that it would be alright to venture out in the snow in order to deliver some fruit to my mum at her care home. A necessary journey I felt, as she has a tendency to get a bit bunged up. All was going reasonably well, a little bit hairy in some places, but then when I turned onto the A140 at Stoke Ash a huge drift of snow had moved on to the road. I wasn’t able to move forward. Or back. Loads of wheel spin. Cars queued behind me. So, I called 999, but as I was speaking a good ole boy (Suffolk term for a decent chap) in a sturdy truck offered to push me back to the junction, then followed me back home. What a great bloke. Most of the cars were happily going past me.

So relieved to finally get back home. I phoned mum and she was absolutely fine, carers looking after her. It was a bit of a daft idea really, but sometimes we feel that we can tackle the elements and nothing should get in our way.

This is good fighting talk, but there are also those times when we need to give in to circumstances – such as the Beast of the East – and just focus on staying warm, dry and fed.

I have learnt my lesson.

Keep safe and warm everyone,
Wendy x

I was so pleased that the wonderful film ‘3 billboards outside Ebbing Missouri’ has won so many awards. If you haven’t yet been to see it I urge you to, as besides being incredibly entertaining, it leaves you with a feeling that the underdog CAN always fight back and be heard (or seen).

We all have times in our life when we feel that something is unjust, but there just doesn’t seem to be any way of finding a solution. We rack our brains to think of how we can challenge unfairness and sometimes it can eat away at us. In the film the wonderful Frances McDormand played a character who stepped over the line somewhat to make her point, because she just had to. It was interesting to hear her speech at the BAFTAS where she explained that she herself has an ability to be ‘compliant’ (she had worn a colourful dress in contrast to the mainly black gowns worn in support of the TimesUp movement).

We cannot and should not break the law to make our point, but there are some times in life when we should raise our head above the parapet and maybe just do something a bit outrageous.

Very best wishes,
Wendy x

I continue to be frustrated by government efforts to combat obesity, particularly childhood obesity. The Change4Life campaign now urges to limit children’s snacks to two a day max, each snack being 100 calories or less.

There is so much wrong with this that I don’t quite know where to start. First off, however, is the fact that we shouldn’t need to snack at all if we are having a good breakfast, lunch and dinner. When I was young we didn’t have snacks. Ever. We had our meals and the idea of eating stuff outside of those meals was not even thought of. There were very few overweight/obese children when I was at school in the 1960s (showing my age now). Part of that could be down to the fact that we moved around more, but I’m sure it was also due to not snacking.

The second thing is that there are so many unhealthy, over-processed foods that are 100 calories, and some people are going to take the message literally and NOT go for the healthier options.

The third is that, if you really must snack, there are some healthy things – a large banana, a small pot of Greek yoghurt with honey, a bag of nuts – which would be over 100 calories. So, you’re not allowed these now? Children should not be deprived of food, they should be actively encouraged to eat as many different un-processed foods as possible.

That last sentence leads me on to my next objection. I do really think that the processed foods lobby has a little hand in this campaign, as the emphasis should be on eating un-processed foods, and not stuff that comes in a package but is just lower in calories.

There still seems to be the emphasis on cutting out fat (as its calorie dense) which is so out-of-date. It is almost common knowledge now that the big cause of obesity is over-consumption of refined carbohydrates. So what have Change4Life got on their list as first ‘healthy’ 100 calorie snack – ‘malt loaf’?!

It’s not easy, I know, but there needs to be change made at the root level. This would include bringing back domestic science to the classroom, encouraging children and families to eat good healthy meals (and not snack if possible) and also eating much less stuff that comes out of a packet.

This last one is the biggest stumbling block, methinks.

Best wishes,
Wendy x

Apparently they have tested Mr Trump and found that he is not mad. Well, there’s a thing. It looks like we were all worrying unnecessarily. And I’m sure there could be no hint of fake news, White House psychiatrists who would like to stay alive or any of these sorts of skulduggery.

Some very brave people have put their heads above the parapet and have disagreed with the result, notably a forensic psychiatrist from Yale, Dr Bandy X Lee (along with several colleagues), also Dr John Gartner of John Hopkins University who believes that Trump displays a form of ‘malignant narcissism’ which was associated with Hitler. Gartner asserts that Trump has a narcissistic personality disorder illustrated by his grandiose sense of self-importance (almost thinks he is a deity), his pattern of lying, his conspiracy theories and his Twitter attacks.

Strange times indeed. One can only hope that – somewhere behind the scenes – a rational, legal and non-violent plan is being hatched to remove him from office.

One thing is for sure. He won’t go without a fight.

Wendy x

How is everyone doing? Its a funny old time of year, we are all a bit bloaty and hungover and desperately trying to stick to a new year’s resolution we made two days ago. Its a mugs game really, Mr Chalk capitulated on the chocolate, just couldn’t do it and I don’t blame him. I, on the other hand, have decided to go with ‘Ginuary’ this year. So the idea is that I don’t drink any other alcohol than gin during January. Been able to stick to that, no problem.

I really do believe that it shouldn’t be just simply the beginning of a new year which allows us to make changes, so I am a little bit of a rebel when it comes to resolutions. I prefer to look at January as a time to clear away, declutter, find a little bit of peaceful time, but above all think about how you can be a bit kinder and easier on yourself. For many (not wishing to gender stereotype but it does tend to be us girls) Christmas is a chaotic time when we are thinking of everyone else. We somehow have to make it perfect for everyone, the perfect presents, decorations, food, parties. So we tend to lose ourselves somehow in the maelstrom of that time of year.

For me, with my boys all back at work, this time is now luxuriously peaceful and I can focus on writing projects, playing my lovely new piano, as well as relishing meeting lots of lovely new clients in my hypnotherapy practice.

We should not be cajoled into weight loss regimes or gym sessions, but find our own way to feel better and healthier if thats what we want to do. Yesterday I listened to ‘You and Yours’ on Radio 4, and they were having a phone in programme about weight loss. They had asked people to call in to tell their own unique experiences of what worked/didn’t work for them with regard to losing weight.

What was interesting was that each person had found their own way in the end (or not) and in fact the experts on the programme agreed that weight loss is not a ‘one size fits all’ issue. Whats more, it is hellishly difficult as there is something called homeostasis which means that our bodies are geared towards staying at a particular weight so if we lose weight, our systems don’t like it and will try to get us back to the original weight. It was also mentioned that exercise is not a good way to lose weight, but by all means do it if it makes you feel good. At the end of the day you do need to take in less calories than you burn, oh and by the way, if you do get small, your body will need even less food. One caller spoke about her success with hypnotherapy, as it made her think about portion size whenever she ate – the hypnotherapist had apparently got her to visualise her stomach as a certain size and how overfilling it would make her ill. This had stayed with her, and then she decided to patent a product, a bowl which had a picture of a stomach in the base of it, not in graphic detail as that would really put you off I’m sure! It was just to guide you with regard to the size of portions you should have.

The point is that we are all unique and we need to be aware of what can and can’t work for us in terms of feeling better in January, whether thats – in my case – ‘Ginuary’ – or meditating, cross-stitch, curling up with a good book, or even perhaps the stomach bowl.

Cheers,
Wendy x

I do hope that you are enjoying a lovely and relaxing Christmas break. I was very lucky to be able to sit back yesterday and have Mr Chalk and his two sous-chefs prepare lunch, and do all the washing up! What a treat! I did have trouble not interfering, however, having to be held back from offering to check the roasties/make the gravy/do the custard. This was difficult for me as I always do the cooking, and I just wanted to make sure that everything was perfect.

And it was perfect, but really it wouldn’t have mattered if it hadn’t been. The well-used phrase ‘the most important thing is being with the family’ is actually true, and I for one was incredibly happy to be with my lovely family. Mr Chalk and I are fortunate in having two wonderful, caring, interesting boys (men now, really). We are so blessed. So we spent Christmas with the boys and my mum, and it was a perfect day.

The gravy wasn’t quite right, though …..

Very best wishes,
Wendy x

As the old rhyme goes ‘Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean’ and in the Chalk household this more or less is the case. Mr Chalk is a carb fiend, he loves bread, fruit and sweet things and doesn’t really like too much butter, oil or cheese whereas I’m more of the hunter-gatherer type and could eat meat, cream, cheese and butter till the cows come home (no pun intended). I am not really bothered about bread or starchy foods and would quite happily live without carbs.

I do think that we are all made differently, so there really is no one size fits all diet. This is what makes it so difficult when advising people about diet and weight loss. However, I have found through intermittent fasting that my body tends to thrive when it is fed healthy fats, proteins and the minimum of carbs. It’s odd but when you fast it seems that your body is then drawn to what YOU need most, when you break that fast. So, what I was finding was that I felt most like eating salmon, avocado and nuts and was totally turned off any processed, sugary stuff. I had long been aware that I seemed to feel better on a very low carb diet, and it appeared to be confirmation of this.

I am now following what is known as a ketogenic diet. This is made up of a good proportion of healthy fats and some protein, but limited carbohydrates and I must admit that I feel really well on it, and able to keep to a reasonably healthy weight. I am also keen to continue with this as there is evidence to suggest that it can stave off Alzheimer’s disease. As I have the ApO 4 gene that pre-disposes people to this horrible disease, I am keen to do whatever I can to avoid it.

I do really believe that it is important to listen to your body, and notice how you are feeling when you eat certain foods. Mr Chalk still feels good eating less fat and more carbs, and that’s right for him.

So between the two of us we really do ‘lick the platter clean’.

Best wishes,
Wendy x