My wonderful dad passed away last week. The last few weeks of his life he seemed to almost be fading away as – and this is often what happens in the end stage of dementia – he was unable to swallow food without choking. Never a big man in the first place, he appeared so very tiny when I last saw him. The staff on his ward looked after him beautifully, with so much care and dedication and this was a great comfort to us. I would go in and see him most days and would sing and chat to him, and even though there was very little response, I would like to think that he heard some of it.

Initially I felt a huge sense of relief when we knew that he was finally at peace, and then comes the guilt at feeling this way. Grief does not have a set formula, so I am taking each day as it comes, but above all being gentle on myself and others. I feel a need for rest and calm after a difficult time.

I hope that as time goes on I will remember more and more the essence of my dad. He was such a special person in that, although he had experienced an incredibly difficult childhood – at one point he was in Eye workhouse, and was in numerous children’s homes – he had so much love and generosity of spirit. He had no template of a family life to draw on yet he instinctively knew how to love and support his family. There was not an ounce of bitterness, anger or malice in him. He had tremendous warmth and most people who met him will remember this, along with the ‘bear hugs’ he gave folk.

He always felt that he had been so fortunate in his life and was determined to do as much for others as he could, supporting numerous charities, working for the Red Cross when he retired and just generally helping others.

He was such a lovely dad and I shall miss him so much.

Wendy x